


Missed You Under the Mistletoe

by AutumnPen



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Christmas Fluff, Christmas Party, Don't copy to another site, First Kiss, Fluff, Happy Ending, Holidays, Jealousy, M/M, Mistletoe, Mutual Pining, Pre-Relationship, Romance, lots of first kisses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-06
Updated: 2019-01-30
Packaged: 2019-09-12 13:15:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 24,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16873557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AutumnPen/pseuds/AutumnPen
Summary: All is merry and bright when Gon, Killua, and Alluka attend a big holiday bash for Hunters -That is, until old feelings resurface when your once-crush gets caught under the mistletoe - with someone else!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [fireolin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fireolin/gifts).



> This is a long over-due gift for my dear friend, fireolin.
> 
> Thanks so much for your patience with me while I got this done for you, and I hope you like it. Thank you also for being such a wonderful and supportive friend. I treasure our friendship endlessly.

There are more people here than he'd expected.

Of course, Killua has to admit that he hadn't known what to expect when they decided to attend the Hunter Association's yearly holiday party for the first time. He's never been to a holiday party like this, after all – something thrown by employers so that you can mingle with the people you work with. He honestly hadn't even known this was something the Association _did_. Maybe that speaks a little too much to his habits regarding checking his inbox, considering that apparently they send out a mass email invitation to all of the Hunters on file every year. But can anyone blame him if he'd scrolled past it all these years, thinking it to be some sort of spam? Who'd have thought the Association would even bother with something like this?

Maybe this sort of thing made more sense for people with real jobs - the fake smiles, customer-is-always-right, repetitive mind numbing task, sitting in a cubicle all day kind of job. Killua supposes holiday office parties or whatever are meant to be a nice way to get to know your coworkers and unwind from the stress of the year, but the people gathered at this particular event are only his coworkers in the loosest sense of the word. So, what was this? A PR thing? A way to distract people from the Association's shadier modes of operation? Maybe that's reading too much into things, but still... It's weird, right?

A server walks by with a tray full of champagne glasses as Killua surveys the crowd. He snags one with a thankful smile before they move on, then turns back to sea of faces before him – most of which he doesn't recognize. How many of these people are Hunters, and how many are someone else's plus one? He'd had to flash his license to get in, but the e-invite had said each member as allowed up to a certain amount of guests. Alluka is around here somewhere, too, after all – had come in between Gon and himself, one arm hooked around one of each of theirs, nearly dragging them behind her in her excitement.

She's half the reason he's even here, if he's honest with himself. A big party, free food, a chance to dress up – Alluka had leaped at the opportunity, and used her brother as a reason to weasel her way in.

_'Come on, brother! You have tons of Hunter friends. Don't you want to see them? I bet you'll have fun!'_

Killua smiles to himself. To be fair, he has had fun. He's sure Alluka will hold that over him for ages, but it has honestly been fun. He'd had fun doing his pre-party preparation and dress up routine with his sister. He'd had fun when Alluka had drawn Gon into their shenanigans so they could playfully fuss over his clothes and hair. He'd had fun when they arrived and almost immediately ran into Zepile and Bisky of all people, chatting together. When Leorio found them he and Killua had snarked at each other but even then Killua couldn't stop smiling so widely that it hurt his cheeks. It's been nice. And the refreshments aren't bad, either. As he lifts the glass of champagne to his lips, he softly hums satisfaction as the flavor. Some sort of fruit? Peach, he thinks.

The Association seems to have pulled out all the stops for catering and location. The big ballroom is beautiful, lit but dangling crystal chandeliers, and all of the people around him seem happy to be visiting. So maybe this is just a getting-to-know-you, visiting with old friends, de-stressing sort of deal for everyone else, too.

It was after Knuckle and Shoot found them that Killua found a reason to step away – wanting to walk the room, stretch his legs, to fall back and observe for a bit. The room has just about the most eclectic gathering of people he's ever seen, and it seems plenty of them missed the memo for that this was meant to be a semi-formal event. That, or they just hadn't cared. Killua would guess the latter.

Besides, that had to be some sort of joke, right? Expecting a group of Hunters to dress nice just because they're told to. He thinks that Gon would have probably come dressed down, too, if he and Alluka hadn't stepped in. Despite all of his best friend's good looks, he wouldn't trust him to put together any outfit involving more than a simple two piece shirt-and-pants combo. And considering Gon meant to make his entrance with the ever-stylish Zoldyck siblings, then of course Killua couldn't let his dear Gon look drab in comparison to them. (Gon had laughed when Killua asked him what kind of friend would he be, to let Gon look like a five strolling in with a couple of elevens.) He and Alluka had done him a favor really. Killua had felt very pleased with the button up, vest, and tie combo they'd found for him.

As if summoned into existence by his thoughts, Killua turns his head and spies his best friend across the way. His face is tipped down as he talks to Bisky, who seems to be taking her turn fussing over him now. She beckons towards him and Gon bends at the waist, allowing her to fix a stray hair. Then, as he straightens, she reaches to pat at his chest and with a gloved hand. She's one of the few here, Killua thinks, that may be overdressed – with her silk gown and evening gloves and bright, sparkling jewelry. Even from where he stands Killua can see the glint of a bejeweled ring on her finger as she gestures broadly to Gon with an upturned palm – from shoulders to feet. Complimenting his outfit?

Killua can't hear what they're saying – not from this distance and with his crowd, but he can read Gon's lips as he says 'thank you,' and watches as soon after they shape around his name. 'Killua,' Gon is saying, and Killua can't help but smile. He fancies he can almost hear his name when Gon says it – or maybe it's just he's heard his name on those lips so often over the years that it's that easy to imagine. Gon's hands are moving, pinching at the lapel of his vest and gesturing to his bow tie. He's crediting Killua with helping him dress, and Killua feels a swell of pride.

At least, that's what he'll call the bubbling warm feeling in his chest – pride, or a side effect of the bubbly liquid he takes another drink of.

Gon's face lifts, and suddenly he finds Killua through the crowd, too. His smile widens, brightens into a glow that rivals the beautiful, sparkling chandeliers that hang above them. Killua can't help but smile back. Gon looks back down at Bisky, and points in Killua's direction. They both look back his way and wave. Killua laughs softly, and waves back.

Then – there's a voice that calls just loud enough for Killua to hear: “Gon!”

He watches as Knuckle rushes over to where Gon and Bisky stand, putting a hand on his shoulder and pointing off in a different direction.

Killua’s eyes trace the path, trying to find what or who Knuckle is trying to point out. Killua spots a head of long red hair pulled back in a high ponytail right as he hears Gon bellow out his name, loud enough for the entire room to hear.

“KITE!”

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Gon knows it's rude to cut off conversation suddenly, but when he sees Kite he gets so excited that he breaks out into a run without thinking about it. (And actually, that may be rude, too – running at a fancy party. Mito would probably fuss at him.) He's sure Bisky will understand, though.

Calling his name should be enough of a heads-up that Kite is prepared for what's coming next, so Gon doesn't feel bad when he crashes into him, wrapping him up in a tight hug and lifting him from the ground in the process. “You're here!”

“Gon, kid-”

“You're here, you're here! I thought you wouldn't make it, I thought-”

“Gon!” Kite's voice calls more sharply. Then, laughing, “Put me down, kid, I can hardly breathe.”

“Oh,” Gon breathes out, then laughs sheepishly and sets his friend and mentor down. With Kite's feet on the floor, Gon realizes that he has to look up a little to meet Kite's eyes. Gon gapes. “Hey no fair! You got taller than me again.”

Kite laughs, crossing his arms. “It's been a while since you saw me last.”

Gon opens his mouth to reply, but is interrupted.

“I guess the rest of us are just chopped liver to you, huh?”

Gon's gaze shifts, and he feels his cheeks flush as he realizes that he's been ignoring Kite's entire team gathered behind him. But he smiles, too, and makes a soft excited sound as he moves to wrap Spinner into a hug as well. “Hey!” He greets, giving her shoulders a squeeze.

He feels her arms flail for a minute, hears surprised stuttering. “Wh- N- Not so tight, not so tight!”

“Oh, haha,” he laughs, and loosens his grip. It's then he feels her arms come around him, too.

When they pull back, she gives him an up and down, smiling. “Look at you. You clean up well, Gon.”

Gon ducks his head and rubs at the back of his neck shyly. “Haha, thanks.” He gestures to her suit – which she somehow makes work even with her hat. “You look really nice, too.”

“Hey, c'mere,” Stick Dinner cuts in, reaching to wrap his long arms around Gon next. “Good to see you, buddy.”

“You too,” Gon agrees. He goes around then – hugging Banana and Lin and Podungo all as well. It's been too long since he's seen them.

When he makes his way around to Monta, it's his turn to be wrapped up in a crushing hug that lifts him off his feet. He lets out a startled noise, and everyone laughs. He laughs, too.

When he's set down, he give them all a once over, and grins. “Wow, you all dressed up real nice!”

Monta gives a shy smile, lifting a hand behind his head. “We tried.”

Gon means to insist that he looks great, but he's interrupted when Spinner snorts.

“Some of us did, anyway.”

Gon looks her way, brows furrowed. What does she mean by that? He finds her sending a glare past him, and he turns to find that it's Kite within her line of vision. Gon's gaze dips briefly down to consider the simple black outfit – a slim black turtleneck and black jeans.

Kite folds his arms. “I'm comfortable in this.”

“But it's a party!” Spinner counters. “You could have spruced up a little – even Gon found something nice to wear! You gotta step up your game.”

Gon gives a sheepish laugh, rubbing at the back of his neck. “I mean, well... Actually, Killua helped me find this. Alluka, too.”

Arms folded impatiently across her chest, Spinner keeps Kite pinned down with her gaze as she replies. “That's more than Kite let any of us do for him.”

Watching the two of them stare each other down with arms crossed, neither ready to back down, Gon feels a need to step in, to cut the tension. He can't help but notice Stick and the others glancing between themselves with an air of discomfort.

“Aw, but Spinner, not everyone's dressed up.” Gon tries, and gestures to the crowd around them. Then, stepping in close to Kite, he throws his arm around him, ready to back up his friend and once-teacher. “Besides, I think Kite looks real nice, too!” Glancing sideways, Gon points with his free hand. “Your wore your hair different! I like it.”

Kite gives a half smile in thanks.

But apparently this is something Spinner has been sitting on for too long to just let go of, because rather than ending the argument, Gon backing up Kite seems to only further spark her ire. Soon she's accusing Kite of wearing the same thing day-in and day-out. Kite, usually more level headed, seems just as irritated as her. He takes her words as a remark on his hygiene, and scathingly insists that he changes his clothes regularly. Spinner assumes he's trying to derail her original point, and replies that she knows he does. It's just that he has almost the same exact pants-and-shirt combo every day, and she's sick of seeing it. To which Kite replies that he's a Hunter – he needs his clothes to be functional, not fashionable. Spinner, coming close to losing her patience entirely, groans that this was meant to be a special occasion.

Needless to say, they draw a bit of attention. People watch the argument play out – some surreptitiously, some openly. Gon, still standing by Kite's side, tries to step in a few times, but there's no opening.

No one else gets enough of an opening to get them to cut it out either, though all of Kite's friends try. Lin presses a hand to his forehead, and Monta hunches over them, hands hovering like he wants to push them apart.

Stick rubs the back of his neck and leans in close to Gon. “Ah, sorry about them. We've maybe spent a little too long traveling in just our little unit. Tempers run high, you know?”

“Y-yeah...” Gon says, watching Kite and Spinner really go at it. They don't even notice him and Stick right here talking about them.

If only Mito were here, he thinks. She'd shut this down fast, and make both parties apologize for making a scene over something so trivial. Gon is conscious of that – of being part of a scene in such a public place, conscious of all the eyes on them. In Mito's absence, he feels the need to apologize on his friends' behalf. But first he should try to calm them down. Maybe if he tries distraction?

“K-kite, come on... No need to argue- Hey, Killua's here somewhere. You haven't seen him in a while, right?”

Gon sees Leorio approaching with Zepile in tow, just as Banana steps in near Spinner, gently touching her back.

“Spinner, calm down... It's not worth getting so worked up over,” Banana says in a soft tone. Gon notes the way Spinner leans back into her touch, even if her brow is still drawn tight in frustration.

Stick, in mellow tones, makes his own attempt at peace making. “C'mon, guys. It's a party! Aren't we here to have a good time?”

“What's all the fuss over here about?” Leorio asks as he nears, his voice rising above the already high volume of many people talking at once.

The argument stalls for a moment, and Gon holds his breath, waiting to see if it will pick up again. Neither Spinner nor Kite seem quite ready to step down.

Then – a quieter voice intercedes. “Um... Kite?”

Gon's eyes are drawn to Lin's bespectacled face. He's looking up, but not up at either of them.

Kite heaves a heavy sigh, pressing a hand over his eyes. “Look, all I'm saying is-”

“No, uh- Kite-”

“Oh...” Gon hears, then looks over at Banana, who's looking upwards as well. She tugs on Spinners sleeve and points above them. Gon has time to watch Spinner's eyes widen a little before he looks up himself.

Above them, a small plant hangs down from a low point of the ceiling. Kite is right under it, and Gon is within arm's reach.

Oh.

Kite hasn't noticed yet – still standing with his head bowed, hand pressed to his face in exasperation – and Gon's eyes dart between the little plant and his ex-mentor and now target. What better form of distraction? Surely, this will end it. Kite lifts his head and looks towards Lin, lifting his hand away from his eyes to gesture. “I don't think it's anyone's business how I choose to-”

Gon takes reaches and takes Kite's face between his hands, cutting him off mid sentence. Gon sees a flash of confusion across his friend's face before his own eyes slip shut as he leans in, gently tugging Kite down to his height.

The brush of their lips together is soft and chaste – no more than a soft touch. Gon is surprised that Kite's reflexes don't kick in soon enough to stop him, but maybe he's just been too caught off guard by this.

Gon pulls back, and opens his eyes, only to find that the immediate space around them has gone completely quiet. As Kite stares at him with wide eyes, apparently too flabbergasted for words, Gon feels also the eyes of all of their friends and several others on them.

When Kite finally finds his voice, he still isn't able to string together a coherent sentence. “I- You- Gon??”

Gon grins and, hands still on either side of Kite's face, he tips his friend's face up so he can finally see the mistletoe hanging above them. “It's the holidays, Kite! No more arguing.”

Kite's mouth hangs open in surprise, and he looks back down at Gon. His brows draw together and he narrows his eyes. “You-”

Gon just keeps smiling, and lifts his brows as he asks. “Oh, you want another kiss? We're still under-”

Finally, Kite's long legs take him out of Gon's reach. Gon laughs, and he hears that laughter echoed around him. He stays firmly planted where he is, though, even with the mistletoe hanging overhead. Because next, he turns his eyes to the second culprit. Spinner deserves to be reminded about what the holidays are really supposed to be about too, after all. Not fighting with friends, but loving them.

Spinner is bent almost double, hands on her knees and she laughs, but she looks up when Gon calls, “Spinner!” and points his finger to her. Hand on one hip, Gon sees her look up, and slowly rotates his hand so it's palm up, curling his pointing finger in a beckoning motion.

Spinner rolls her eyes. “I'm good, thanks.”

Gon shakes his head. “Nuh-uh. You were arguing too. Now it's time for kisses. C'mere.”

Spinner crosses her arms, her mouth tilted at an amused angle. “You're not getting me to get under that mistletoe, Freecss.”

Gon's gaze shifts to Banana, still standing just behind Spinner.

They lock eyes.

She smiles.

“Wha- Hey!” Spinner is pushed a few steps forward, Banana's hands guiding her shoulders. “Banana, what are you- No!” Spinner digs her heels in, and she might be able to push back against Banana, but Stick lends a hand as well, and inch by inch she's brought closer to Gon's open arms. He thinks he hears Leorio wheezing.

Gon snatches her close, and through flailing arms he manages to land his lips at her cheek. With an exaggerated “Mmmm-WAH!” Gon presses his lips to her cheek and pulls back, grinning.

“Ugh!” She cries, and as soon as his hold loosens on her upper arms, she ducks and spins way from him and Banana both.

Their friends all laugh, and Banana's smiling brightly in Spinner's direction. Then she looks up at Gon.

Gon waggles his eyebrows playfully. He holds his palms upward in invitation.

Banana laughs, and turns to side of her face to him, accepting the invitation. Gon smiles and bends. She's a little shorter than Spinner, so he winds up kissing her temple softly. What he doesn't expect is when he pulls back and she puts a hand on the side of his face, kissing his cheek in return. It only makes Gon grin all the more.

“Banana!” Spinner calls from the side, and Gon turns to see her lips turned in what she might think is a frown, but looks more like a pout.

Banana laughs and goes back to her side, threading an arm about her waist. “Don't be jealous – you got a kiss, too.”

“I'm not-” Spinner begins, but Gon doesn't hear the rest because Zepile’s louder voice cuts in, even over Leorio's wheezing laughter.

His tall friend is bent double, hands on his knees, and Zepile elbows him and nods towards Gon. “How come _we_ didn't get greeted like that, huh, Leorio?”

And well-

Gon's never been one to back down from a challenge.

“Zepile,” he calls, and the other looks up at him, a questioning look in his eyes.

Gon, under the mistletoe still, raises a brow at him. He curls his finger in a beckoning motion.

Zepile seems surprised, or maybe he's feigning it as he points to himself, questioning again.

Gon nods.

Leorio seems to be catching his breath, but he looks up at catches Gon and Zepile looking at one another – Gon with his arms spread, waiting, Zepile with a thoughtful expression, considering. Then, Zepile looks toward Leorio and shrugs and begins to stroll over.

Leorio loses it, and briefly Gon watches him clutch his ribs as he laughs and laughs. But then brown eyes are drawn up towards his approaching friend, who flutters his eyelashes in a way that almost makes Gon choke up himself. He manages to maintain composure.

Even when Zepile stands in front of him, one hand propped on his hip, the other laid delicately across his chest, and requests in a breathy voice that Gon “please be gentle” with him, Gon manages to bite his lip and fight off the mirth threatening to well up from his chest.

He reaches forward, and snatches Zepile's hand with a devilish smile.

“Get over here, handsome.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Killua watches Gon lay on the Freecss charm. Why's he feel so weird about it? Maybe he's had too much champagne - or too little.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter two is up! Now we get a peek at things from Killua's POV. This one's a bit shorter.

Watching Gon reunite with Kite makes Killua feel a soft swirl of warmth in his chest. Even from his distance, Gon is positively glowing as he meets his old friend. Kite looks happy too, in his own reserved sort of way.

_Good_ , Killua thinks. _Good. They deserve that_.

He should go over too – to see Kite and the rest of them. He can see them all lingering nearby, though Gon hasn't noticed yet. For now, though, he'll just observe – just for a moment. He wants to give them this moment together before it's interrupted by anything or anyone else.

He swirls the liquid in the glass he holds, watching as Gon finally turns to greet everyone else. He must be feeling really good, because he steps in to hug them all one by one – all of them! When Monta lifts Gon off the ground Killua chuckles to himself. Now is probably a good time to head over. He takes a last long swig of the champagne before turning to find a table to set the empty glass down on.

It's only a few minutes, but when he looks up... Are Kite and Spinner arguing? Really? Killua can't hear them, can't quite make out everything they're saying just by reading lips – but he notices the posturing, the agitated expressions. What could have possibly gotten under their skin?

Maybe it's best to delay his trip over after all. Gon's trying to calm them, obviously. Banana steps closer to Spinner too. Killua sees Gon's mouth form around his name, and Killua snorts to himself.

_No way, Gon,_ Killua thinks. _I'm not coming over to help you play peacemaker._

Killua slips his hands into his pockets, as if to prove a point. He's just fine where he is, thanks.

Gon can't spare the attention to look for him, though. Killua's safe to wait it out, it seems, so that's what he does. He watches, taking note of who pipes in and who stays quiet, of the people looking on, of the approach of some of their other friends.

Gon seems at a loss for what to do, and Killua wonders how much further the argument, whatever it's about, might escalate.

When Gon reaches up to take Kite's face in his hands, Killua thinks that's an unusual method of distraction. But that fits Gon's M.O. well enough. He's quick on his feet, and sometimes that makes his plans a little odd, but-

...

Something in Killua's body processes what happens next faster than his mind does, because before Killua can quite figure out what it is he's seeing his mouth falls open and let out something akin to a strangled noise. And then his brain catches up, helpfully spelling out exactly what's unfolding in front of him:

Gon is kissing Kite.

_Gon is kissing Kite_.

Gon is-

WHY is Gon kiss- ?

It doesn't last long – it's practically just a peck – but for a moment it throws Killua so off kilter that he has to shake his brain out of the tiny circle it's locked itself in. He stops shaking his head in time to see Gon direct Kite's face upwards. Blue eyes lift, and- … Killua has to squint to see it – a little green thing, above them.

Oh.

Oooooooooh.

A rush of understanding and something else (something cool and soothing that Killua doesn't examine too closely) washes over Killua. He drops his head, pressing and hand briefly over one eye and then pushing fingers back into his hair as a rumble trembles in his chest, then shakes his shoulders as he chuckles to himself. Of course, of course.

When he looks back to his friends, Kite has put distance between himself and Gon, and many of them are laughing, and the tension seems to have floated away, to have evaporated and dispersed completely. Gon's silly, impulsive plan worked. No one's arguing anymore.

But it seems Gon's plan – if it can even be called that – isn't over yet. He stays planted where he is, and points his finger at Spinner. Killua watches with eyebrows lifted. Her too?

Spinner refuses to approach. Gon insists. Spinner refuses again. Then, to his surprise, she's being pushed forward – pushed by Banana and Stick Dinner into Gon's waiting arms.

Spinner gets kissed on the cheek despite her flailing and protesting. Killua feels another laugh bubbling up in him and he lifts a hand to hide the curl of his mouth behind. Gon must think he's teaching some sort of lesson – getting both parties who started the needless argument. Then Banana, standing near by, enters Gon's reach and offers her cheek and that's... That's sweet, Killua guesses. Gon's cheek is kissed in turn, and it seems to further lighten the mood surrounding his friends, so that's okay.

Killua has to admit it's a little clever, what Gon's done. He's distracted everyone from the argument and completely flipped the mood into something more jovial and affectionate – fitting, considering the time of year it is.

Now that it's over, maybe Killua will go over to greet his friends. No more tension, no more kissing (though Gon really should be moving out from under the mistletoe by now) – and from the looks of it, Leorio might need someone to help him up off the floor if he doesn't stop laughing soon. Killua watches as Zepile says something to him, but their tall friend is breathless and can't reply.

But then Gon calls to him. Gon reaches out and makes a beckoning motion. Killua's brows knit. What's he up to now? Does that big dummy even realize he's still-?

Killua's stomach twists. Gon reaches out, and Killua knows what he's about to do – even if he shouldn't, even if there's no more reason to-

He takes Zepile's hand. Then, in a dramatic, made-for-the-movie-screen motion, Gon pulls Zepile close. He twists him, tips him back, catches him with an arm around his shoulders, still clutching one of his hands.

_This is fucking surreal_ , a distant part of Killua comments as he watches his best friend dip Zepile back, all smooth and romantic, then lean in and give him a decidedly more enthusiastic kiss than the three preceding it. For some unknowable reason, Killua's face has gone hot, and he feels halfway outside of himself. It's like one of those moments when you're dreaming, he thinks – one of those moments when you're asleep and dreaming, and something completely absurd happens. It's so absurd that somewhere in your waking mind you know it's not real because it doesn't make sense. All the same, the you that's in the dream is still affected by whatever absurd thing is unfolding. It makes you scared or worried or anxious, and it doesn't matter that your waking mind knows better because dream-you can't get away from it, can't help but feel overwhelmed by it.

Time must have slowed down – even though that can't happen, because as much as it feels like it this _isn't_ just some weird dream – because it seems like Gon and Zepile kissing will never end. Even when Gon pulls back, Zepile reaches for the collar of his shirt and pulls him back in, extending the kiss a little longer. Killua hears a choking noise, and it's halfway out of him before he realizes it's him making that noise.

Finally, they break apart. Killua sucks in a breath through his nose. Everyone's laughing. Gon and Zepile are shaking with laughter, and Leorio's doubled over so far it looks like he might actually fall out.

They're laughing like it's all some big joke!

And maybe... Shit, Killua guesses it is. Just a joke.

It'd been silly, it'd been ridiculous – Gon and Zepile. As if that would ever be a thing. Too ridiculous.

But Killua doesn't feel like laughing. Killua turns from the scene, looking for someone carrying a drink of any sort. He spies a server, and is quick to accept another glass of champagne from the tray they carry.

He just needs a minute to sort himself out. There's no reason to be so bothered. Everyone's just having fun. Killua tells himself that it's just odd seeing Gon be so affectionate to so many people. Gon often waits to be touched – initiating contact less often than not, especially when it comes to people he's not very close too. Killua might have expected tonight to be a bit of an exception to the rule, because they have a lot of friends here they haven't seen in a while. Of course Gon would be more prone to indulge in hugs and casual touches. That, and there's plenty of drink around. He's seen Gon have a couple of glasses. He must be feeling a bit warm and fuzzy from that, too. And it's the holidays, so everyone is happy and relaxed and feeling good.

Kissing, though... Killua never expected that. True, Killua had seen Gon kiss his aunt or grandma affectionately on the cheek or forehead in greeting, but that was different. Killua had never seen Gon kiss anyone else.

Which, of course – just because he hasn't seen it doesn't mean Gon hasn't done it. Killua's not a fool enough to think Gon hasn't done his fair share of kissing. Gon's dated. Gon's had partners – because of course he has. He's handsome. None of those partners have ever lasted terribly long, but Gon's had them. Killua is aware of this. He's just never seen Gon, well... kiss any of the ones he met. He had assumed it had been because Gon wasn't one for PDA, but well... maybe he should reconsider that. (Or just not consider it at all, since that raises questions Killua can't answer.)

Killua downs the rest of the contents in his glass in a series of gulps, then sets the glass on a nearby table. At least it's over now, right? Everyone's had a big laugh and Gon's successfully squashed any tension in the air.

It's done now, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to leave a comment if you make it this far! Next chapter goes up Wednesday.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Killua's big gay panic and denial continues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I miscalculated the number of chapters that I have, which means I'll have one more than I originally expected. I still want to end on the day after Christmas, so expect an extra chapter probably either this Friday or next.

It's not done. It's so, so far from done.

Apparently it is, in fact, just the start of a long, long parade of friendly holiday affection.

First, the rest of Kite's group take their turns. One by one, they step under the mistletoe with Gon. Stick leans down a long way for a brief mouth kiss. Monta once again bodily picks Gon up and kisses his cheek. Lin shies away, but Banana and Spinner lift him so Gon can kiss his forehead. Podungo accepts a short kiss to her cheek.

Leorio thinks it's a riot. He's howling, bent, slapping his knee and hugging his ribs in turn. He declines to join Gon under the mistletoe, however, despite Zepile's efforts to cajole him into partaking in the holiday festivities. He waves his hand dismissively, then wipes tears from his eyes, but stays firmly out of Gon's reach.

Their antics, of course, draw attention from the persons surrounding, and it's not long before another familiar face finds their way over.

Somewhere in the all the merry making, Bisky has found her former student and his former student, and the three of them approach together. Gon immediately begins to gesture Bisky over, and from where Killua stands he can see many mouths moving, explaining the game – because that is apparently now what this has become.

Bisky laughs behind a gloved hand, then moves towards Gon. She lifts that same hand to him in offering, which he takes with a gentlemanly bow, kissing the back of it. Before stepping back, she motions him to bend down to her level and takes his face between her hands, pressing a motherly kiss to his forehead. When they pull back, she smiles and says something to Gon that makes him smile brightly.

Wing follows next, good naturedly mimicking Bisky's motion and offering his hand. Gon laughs and kisses his hand, too. When he steps aside, Bisky smacks his arm playfully for mocking her, then starts fussing with his clothes, trying to fix their state of disarray.

Even from across the room, Killua can see the red that paints Zushi's face as the crowd around him encourages him to take his turn. Gon is eagerly gesturing with both hands, his lips forming the words 'Come on, come on!' Killua feels a sort of lump in his throat as he watches, unable to look away for long despite how often he tries to wrench his gaze in another direction. Zushi caves to peer pressure easily enough. Gon, perhaps because he notices Zushi's shyness, very briefly kisses his cheek.

Killua crosses his arms over himself as his stomach gives an uncomfortable twist. Maybe he's had too much champagne, or not enough food to balance it out. His face is warm, too. Has he really had that much to drink? Since when does he start feeling the effects of alcohol so quickly? All the same, Killua is terribly tempted to reach for another glass.

As though drawn my some magic, some bond, more friends make their way through the crowd of strangers to the pocket of familiar faces surrounding Gon.

Shoot steps forward, shortly followed by Knuckle, who carries Ikalgo on his shoulders. Once he's brought up to speed, Knuckle laughs long and loud, and seems eager to participate. He strolls confidently up Gon, bringing Ikalgo with him despite the octopus's attempts to scramble from his shoulders and onto Shoot's. He moves too quickly, leaving Ikalgo stranded as he stands in the middle of a circle of their friends with Gon. Knuckle takes the lead, slipping a hand behind Gon's head and pulling him in. Ikalgo, meanwhile, is trying to get as much distance as he can from the kiss, stretching away from Knuckles shoulders as far as his arms with allow without him falling to the floor.

If he'd been hoping to somehow stretch himself out from under the mistletoe, to somehow avoid the inevitable, his plans are foiled shortly after Gon and Knuckle's kiss breaks. The latter half turns and Gon pulls Ikalgo from his shoulders. Knuckle turns forward again, and they both lean in to kiss either side of Ikalgo's face, shocking Ikalgo into stillness.

Shoot is shy, and needs encouragement from Knuckle before he steps forward too. Killua is surprised when he's the first to lean forward, but he leans down just long enough to dart a quick kiss to Gon's forehead

After that, Knuckle is looking around, calling through the crowd near them and beckoning over someone just out of Killua's line of vision. He disappears for a few minutes then returns leading Palm by the hand. Her brow is knit in confusion, but Gon smiles brightly when he sees her. Killua's gut twists again (prompting him to snag a few finger sandwiches off a passing tray and stuff them into his mouth, hoping that will ease his stomach) as she returns the smile and goes to him without question, and for a moment – Gon doesn't kiss her. He just takes her hands in both of his, and says something that must be charming, based on how she smiles back at him. As he continues to talk, it seems as though he's more interested in catching up with Palm than dragging her into his game – and that makes sense in a way. It's been a long time since any of them have seen her. The last time he'd talked to Ikalgo he's said she'd gone off to travel alone for a while. That she's here is a surprise.

Eventually, though, Gon points up, bringing her attention to where they stand. Killua half expects her to swoop in and claim her prize immediately, but in the same breath tells himself that's not fair. She, in fact, hesitates, looking down at Gon with a knuckle pressed to her lips in unsure thought. Gon smiles, then waves a hand in front of his face, then taps his cheek and gestures to her. He'll just kiss her cheek. Palm smiles again and nods, but she leans in to kiss his cheek chastely, before pulling away.

Then things seem to calm a little. No more familiar faces step forward, and those gathered take a chance to turn to each other and talk and laugh and enjoy one another's company. Leorio continues to successfully dodge being cajoled into joining Gon under the mistletoe, using his long legs to keep his distance from grabbing hands.

Eventually, Gon steps away from his post. He talks with his gathered friends, away from the mistletoe so the kissing doesn't have to continue.

Killua, however, finds that he can't move. As he watches Gon socialize and drink and laugh with their friends, Killua finds himself feeling... angry, for some reason. He's really, really angry. His face his hot, and there's a knot of tension in his chest that won't leave. He swallows against the feeling but it doesn't help. He gets no relief. His stomach, too, keeps turning itself in knots.

And that doesn't make sense, does it? For him to feel that way? Even now, the rational part of his brain is telling him that he should be over there now – over with his friends, enjoying the party. He'd been enjoying the party not so long ago. Why shouldn't he be enjoying it now? He wants to. He wants to have fun, wants to go catch up with everyone. He wants to see Ikalgo and tell him about the wild sea life he and Gon had seen on their last hunt. He wants talk to Palm and let her know his sister is here too because he knows they'll enjoy seeing each other again. He wants to see if he can tease Knuckle into starting an arm wrestling contest among the party goers. He wants to throw and arm around Zushi's shoulder and congratulate him in person for the martial arts tournament he won two months ago.

And he wants to hang out with his best friend. Or, at least, he should. Part of him does. Being around Gon feels more natural and relaxing and fun than anything in the world. Gon keeps him smiling, keeps him feeling energized and content and comfortable. Killua is blessed with many friends and loved ones who could never be replaced, who are an integral part of his life that Killua would never ever give up. But he accepted a long time ago that there is a distinctly Gon-shaped hole in his life that can be filled by nothing but that spiky-haired, reckless, beautiful, brilliant friend of his.

Now, though... Just the thought of being near Gon now makes his heart race. He doesn't think he could go over and not tell Gon off for- for whatever that was. That stupid game. Why did he have to start that? Why does he always need to be the center of attention?

As he watches from across the room, storm clouds rumbling over his head, seeing how much Gon's enjoying himself, he can't help but notice how every now and then Gon's attention slips away. He's engaged with the company around him, but those brown eyes keep glancing off, looking in different directions.

A slow swell of anxiety fills him. _Run_ , says a soft voice in the back of his mind. Killua eases back letting some party-goers pass between him, making it harder to be seen from where Gon stands. Killua can still see him, though.

It's then that one last familiar face comes through the crowd – one even Killua is surprised to see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments on a fic make the best gifts for any writer!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Old friends reunited.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Didn't get a chance to proofread this as much, so I hope everything reads clearly!

“Look at all these familiar faces...”

Gon is in the middle of listening to a story Knuckle's telling when a soft, familiar voice speaks up from nearby.

Gon turns, breath leaving him in a soft gasp when he sees a smiling face and short blond hair. After quickly excusing himself, he moves off and throws his arms around Kurapika's thinner frame. Gon squeezes him, and Kurapika lets out a soft 'ooph,' and then a chuckle, and hugs him back.

There's a hand patting his back, and Kurapika's voice saying, “It's good to see you too, Gon.”

Gon pulls back, looks up, and smiles because Kurapika looks … good. He looks so much better than the last time Gon had seen him. Thin, but not too thin. His eyes don't seem as sleepy, or far away. He has color in his face. “Kurapika! I've missed you! I thought were out of the country?”

Kurapika nods. “I was. But I finished my business early so I could come. I heard everyone would be here. I... I didn't want to miss out.” Kurapika's eyes lower for a moment, then lift.

Gon grins so wide his cheeks hurt, and nods his understanding. “You have to come back to Whale Island sometime soon. Mito and Abe miss you too.”

Gon watches as a warm smile spreads over Kurapika's lips, and he nods and reaches to squeeze Gon's hand. “I will, soon.” Then, brown eyes lift somewhere above Gon's head, and Gon senses that someone has stepped up behind him. Gon can't help but notice the glimmer in Kurapika's gaze, the fondness as he speaks a name in greeting, “Leorio.”

Gon half turns, stepping so he's not quite between his two old friends.

“Kurapika...” Leorio answers in a soft but gruff voice. He stands with his shoulders tipped forward as he sometimes is wont to do – as though in compromise, offering to come down partially from his full height to be closer to his friends. He has one hand in his pocket, the other at the back of his neck, and Gon thinks he looks sheepish, as though he doesn't know what to do. Still, he smiles as he says, “It's good to see you're back safe.”

Kurapika nods, reaching to smooth a lock of hair behind his ear. “I didn't expect to be kept away so long. It's good to be back.”

Leorio chuckles. “Yeah, yeah. The, uh, rest of the Zodiacs will be glad to hear you’re back, too.”

Gon can't help but notice the way his friends don't move close, don't move in to clasp hands or hug, and Gon feels a knot of frustration in his gut. This might be fitting if they really were just colleagues, just coworkers. But they're not! The three of them are some of the oldest friends they have, and it's the holidays. Formality has it's place, but its not now, not here. So Gon does the only thing he can do – he takes action for them.

“Acck! G-Gon!”

Gon ignores Leorio's protest as he throws an arm around his neck, yanking his tall friend even further down as he moves to the side and pulls Kurapika in with his other arm as well, pulling them relentlessly into a tight group hug. “It's been too long since we were all together!”

Kurapika, who had only reacted with a soft gasp when Gon hooked an arm around him, slowly melts into laughter, an arm coming around behind Gon's back, leaning into his side. “Yes, you're right.”

Gon feels Leorio's hand at his back too, and sees Kurapika's other hand raise in front of him – an offering that Leorio takes, smiling, as they all lean into one another. Gon grins wide and squeezes them, receiving laughter and more squeezing in return.

“Too long,” Leorio agrees. “All that's miss now is that little brat K-”

“Just kiss already!”

Kurapika's head lifts, and his eyebrows crumple in confusion as he looks towards where Knuckle stands grinning, laughing – Palm near him, hiding a smile behind her hand. “Excuse...?”

Before he can inquire further, Leorio makes a high-pitched, panicked noise and is pulling from the joint hold of his friends, stumbling back on long legs, out of reach. Those still gathered near them burst into laughter, and Kurapika is left blinking slowly, confused. “Leorio?” He asks, seeking answers, but the taller bespeckled man shakes his head violently, color creeping up from his collar.

Zepile falls into Leorio's side, laughing and elbowing him, teasing.

Gon watches Kurapika turn to him instead, his eyes questioning. Gon laughs, a little sheepish, and rubs at the back of his neck. “Oh, we just- You know.” It seems too silly to explain their spontaneous game from earlier, but he doesn't want Kurapika to feel left out. “Um, the mistletoe,” Gon points. “I was under it earlier, and I kissed some folks. Friends, you know. Just for fun.” Gon rolls his shoulders in a shrug.

Kurapika's brows lift. “Oh?”

“Yeah.”

Zepile, still snickering with his arm hooked around a struggling Leorio's waist, lets out and exaggerated sigh as he presses a hand to his cheek. “I had _no idea_ Gon was so- so suave!”

Knuckle nods, hand held in a thoughtful manner to his chin. “He did pretty well. But he could use a few pointers, if you ask me.”

“Hey!” Gon calls, crossing his arms. “You didn't have any criticisms at the time.”

Palm looks at Knuckle with a mischievous glint in her eye and replies, “You act like you'd be the one to give him pointers, but after tonight I'd say Gon has more experience kissing than you.”

It's Knuckle's turn then to be indignant and Palm only laughs while Shoot steps between them to pacify.

Gon laughs too, but Kurapika's voice draws his attention again as he asks, “Gon, just how many friends joined you under the mistletoe?” Then, when a number of hands around them raise to show their participation, he laughs, turning to Gon and lifting a hand to touch Gon's cheek with the backs of his fingers, testing to see if he's warmer than usual. “How much have you had to drink tonight?”

“Kurapika,” Gon half murmurs, half whines. “Not much at all- it was just- you know. A game.”

“A game?” Kurapika echos, eyebrow lifting. “What kind of game?”

When Gon finishes giving the full explanation, Kurapika is shaking with silent laughter, hiding his wide smile very poorly behind his hand. His free arm hugs his ribs, as if in further effort to contain his mirth. “You kissed,” a chuckle interrupts his question, “everyone?” Kurapika is smiling, eyes shining with joyful disbelief.

“Um, pretty much,” Gon answers, smiling himself – glad that his silliness earlier has brought his friends something to laugh about.

“Except this coward!” Zepile calls, and he's somehow gotten his arm around Leorio's neck and pinned his head near his side. Leorio, still looking rather flush, tries futilely to free himself, squirming and spewing threats to Zepile's person in a high-pitched voice.

“Leorio!” Kurapika breathes, his tone almost scolding but his smile no where near gone. “Really?”

“I’m not the only one!” Leorio insists, then mutters under his breath. “That brat Killua snuck away somewhere before it all started, so…” His muttering is interrupted by a screech when Zepile begins roughly dragging his knuckles across Leorio’s scalp.

Deftly ignoring the way his heart pat-pats a little harder for just a second at the mention of his best friend, Gon shrugs his shoulders easily, waving it off. He's had his fun. “Ah, he didn't want to. 's fine.”

Kurapika folds his arms in front of him. “Hmm. I'm just surprised, is all. Leorio's never been one to be a stick in the mud. Since when is he afraid of having a little fun?”

“Hey!” Leorio is quick to protest. When Gon looks over he sees that his and Zepile's positions are reversed – Leorio has Zepile pinned under his arm and is preparing to return his noogie, but Zepile still hasn't stopped laughing. “I'm not a- You're one to talk! You wouldn't know fun if it bit you in the ass.”

Kuapika's shoulders straighten, and he lifts his eyebrows. “Oh?” He glances sideways towards Gon. Gon sees a twinkle in his eyes – something mischievous and light that isn't always there, something that Gon is happy to see in his friend who is often tired and overworked. Kurapika turns to face Gon then, and with an undeniable air of grace and poise, he extends his hand to Gon. “Shall we?”

It takes Gon just a moment to realize his friend's intentions. “We shall,” he answers in a comically airy tone, taking Kurapika's hand and moving in to stand beside him until their arms are linked.

Leorio only stares, and Gon can't help but notice the bit of color in his cheeks as together he and Kurapika move to stand under the mistletoe. Once they are in position, Kurapika turns to face him, back towards their friends, and his mask of serene calm melts into a wide grin. “Give me your cheek,” he whispers.

Gon nods, and turns his head to offer his cheek, closing his eyes to wait. He feels Kurapika lean close, feels the ghost of lips, and then-

“Wh-AAAH! KuraPIKA, NO!”

Laughter erupts around them as the unmistakable sound of Gon's cheek being raspberried echos out, along with Gon's hollered protests as he feels a ticklish vibration, wet with saliva, on the side of his face.

“No, no, no! Kura- hahaha – pIKA!” As Gon struggles to get away, hands find his sides and tickle him, finding all the worst spots, and Gon is ready to crumple to the ground and wrestle his friend – middle of a party, in his fancy clothes and all – when another body collides with them.

He looks up, seeing the taller frame of Leorio – who must have finally been shoved over by Zepile. He's still half-stumbling, long limbs flailing, and Gon escapes Kurapika's hands only to shove Leorio between them. Gon reaches up for Leorio's jaw, pulling him down until he can reach his cheek. He catches the briefest glimpse of Kurapika's eyes on the other side of Leorio, and when he smiles Gon knows they're thinking the same thing.

Together, they lean in to kiss either side of Leorio's face – and then treat him to a double-raspberry that leaves him squealing and struggling against their dual hold on him. He's not struggling very hard, though, because when Gon and Kurapika pull back, laughing, Leorio is still there. Gon feels Leorio go all but limp in their hold, giving them most of his weight – something Gon could hold alone, so it's no big thing.

“Are we done now?” Leorio asks, in a defeated tone Gon suspects he adopts just to play along with this game, this role.

“Hahaha, sure,” Gon says, and releases his friend.

When neither of his friends are holding him any longer, Leorio reaches up to scrub the spit off his cheeks with the sleeves of his suit jacket. “Uuuugh.”

Laughing, Gon leans his cheek into his shoulder to wipe off his own raspberried cheek onto the sleeve of his button up – something Killua would fuss at him for if he saw, Gon is sure.

“Now we really are only missing Killua,” Kurapika says, as if plucking the name directly from Gon's thoughts. Then, he cuts a sly look over at Gon and leans an elbow into his ribs. In a soft, conspiratorial sort of tone, he says, “Isn’t it _his_ turn now to be dragged into your little game?”

“Oh, uh,” Gon coughs, then hides it with a laugh as he feels his cheeks warm a little. “I mean. I guess? Maybe. Not if he doesn’t want, uh. You know. But uh- He’ll be happy to see you too, you know. And everyone, uh. I should… let him know you’re all here.” Words feel jumbled in Gon’s mouth, so he presses his lips shut to stop more from tumbling out.

Kurapika's eyebrows lift, and his eyes sparkle knowingly, making Gon's heart thump a little harder in his chest.

Gon looks away quickly. “Uhh... Yeah, anyway, uh- I don't know where he's got off to – somewhere with Alluka, maybe?”

“But, there's Alluka,” Kurapika says, and he's pointing towards the buffet, where Alluka seems rather occupied with shoving pastries into her mouth.

“Oh.” Gon eyes drift, looking for a familiar head of white hair. But he doesn't see one. And what's more, Alluka's movements seem agitated, jerky. Had they gotten into a fight? “I'll... I'm gonna go see if she knows where he is,” Gon says, then excuses himself as he walks off towards her.

Alluka doesn't turn to him when he comes to her side at the table. Instead, she reaches for a champagne glass, glancing briefly at him out of the side of her eye, before downing more than she probably needs to in a single gulp.

“Uhhh...” Alluka is definitely mad about something, and that sets Gon on edge. He doesn't know what's irritated her, but though she's not often like this, her temper can rival Killua's when she's really mad. “Are you... okay?”

“Fine,” she answers quickly, in her _I-don't-want-to-talk-about-it tone_.

Gon knows to respect that tone. So, although he's genuinely concerned, he knows he should leave it until later. But maybe she still knows where her brother is. “Uh, have you seen Killua?”

“Ha!” She downs the rest of her drink, then reaches for another pastry.

Well, that confirms that she and Killua probably got into it about something. That should be fun when it's time to go back to the hotel. What is it with everyone tonight? “It's just, uh... A lot of our friends are here! And he hasn't seen some of them, and...”

Alluka takes in a breath. “Look, Gon.” She turns to face him at last. “I love you and all, but I'm not getting in the middle of this. Not now.”

“Huh?” Gon's brows furrow. “In the middle of...? Alluka, did I do something to upset you?”

“Not me.” Alluka murmurs from behind her pastry before she takes a bite, but surely she knows Gon will hear her. When he looks at her for further explanation, she just says, “Look, as far as you're concerned I have no idea where my brother is right now. Sorry, you'll have to find him on your own. I'm sure he's not far.”

As far as he's concerned? What does that even mean? “Uh... Okay... I'll see you later then?” Gon turns to leave, but hesitates, and turns back to Alluka. “You're sure you're not mad at me? Cause I'm sorry if I did-”

Alluka sighs, then offers a small smile. “We're good, Gon. I promise.”

Gon presses his lips together in a small line, then nods. He'll have to figure this out later. Maybe Killua can tell him what's got Alluka's hackles up when he finds him. “Okay. Take it easy on the cakes and alcohol combo, okay?”

“Pfft, I'll be fine. I could drink you under the table any day, Freecss.”

Gon laughs, “Sure, sure,” before turning to take his leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next upload on Wednesday!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alluka and Killua exchange words.

Alluka likes having the freedom to walk around by herself. Even something as simple as perusing around the party like this sometimes feels like a privilege hard won. At first, there had been all those years locked away where even the sun couldn't reach her – just her and Nanika and their toys.

Then after that, years under the well-meaning but sometimes stifling watch of her brother. Killua loves her, loves Nanika, and they love him back, fiercely. At first they hadn't even minded his protective streak. It made them feel loved and safe.

It hadn't been until a little after midway through her teen years that it really started to grate onto Alluka. Killua worries so much, and he ropes others into worrying with him – Gon oftentimes, when he came back to travel with them again. She and Killua had more than one ugly shouting match about how much he'd limit her sometimes – something that is far enough in the past that Alluka bares him no grudges, but something she is glad to have behind her.

Now, as an adult, she can go and do as she pleases. Walking around like this, weaving between other guests and sometimes even stopping to have a little chat, she's able to see and experience everything and allow Nanika to experience everything through her.

She moves up to the second story – which isn't so much a floor as a landing that makes the circuit of the room so that you can look out onto the ballroom floor below. There's less people up here for now, and it gives her an excellent bird's eye view of the whole party. From here she can see Gon and their friends, and if she looks hard enough she can spot a few people she knows in the crowd. Her eyes hone in on an untucked shirt-tale and – sure enough, there's Wing! Oh, and Zushi nearby. She'll have to go down and say hi to them soon.

Blue eyes wander a bit more, and in her head a voice says _'Killua!'_

Alluka smiles. “Ah, yeah. There he is,” she says aloud, to herself as much as Nanika. Her brother is standing by the long buffet table, looking at something with a fond expression on his face. Before she confirms it she already knows what – or rather who – he's looking at. That look is especially reserved for a certain spiky-haired hunter.

Gon is directly within his line of vision, and he's busy laughing and visiting with other guests. At least, until he spies someone, cries out, and runs off to swoop them up into a hug. It takes Alluka a moment to recognize Kite and his band of friends, but she smiles all the wider, knowing Gon must be so excited to see them. _'Nice friends,'_ Nanika says to her, and Alluka hums her agreement. Killua will be happy to see them, too.

It is from her perch above that Alluka watches the argument break out between Kite and his friend with the pretty, pink hair. She hangs back, waiting to see how things play out, and notices her brother doing the same. Smart of him, she thinks, as she watches Gon and some others try to placate their friends. No need to get mixed up in their ill-timed little tiff, though she feels sorry for Gon being caught up in the middle of it.

Although – maybe she shouldn't! Gon's solution has Alluka clutching her sides as she laughs, and she grins as she watches his impulsive decision turn into a game. This is brilliant, this is hilarious, this is-

going to cause her a headache.

All amusement at Gon's antics ends as she notices her brother watching from a distance still, trying himself into jealous knots because he's too stubborn to say anything. _'Oh no,'_ Nanika whispers to her, and Alluka groans.

“Boys are so stupid,” Alluka mutters back, and then pushes herself away from the railing she'd been leaning on. She'd probably better go down to him to distract him before he does something even more stupid.

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

Killua doesn't like this – he doesn't like feeling this way.

It's ugly.

He doesn't like this ugly, hot, bubbling feeling rolling around inside him as he watches Gon and Kurapika walk back under the mistletoe. He doesn't like the way that, even when he realizes Kurapika is blowing a raspberry on Gon's cheek instead of kissing him, it doesn't quite go away. Killua can see even from here how Gon's face contorts as he struggles, but it never quite loses that mirth, that joy – especially when Kurapika starts tickling him and he hears Gon's laughter bounce at him from across the room.

His gut is a stone, and he feels flushed and irritated all over. It's not until Leorio is pushed into his friends and they're all a tangle of limbs and laughter that Killua realizes he's being absolutely-

“Ridiculous,” he mutters, dragging a hand down his face as he turns away. “This is ridiculous.”

No one's done anything wrong, and his friends are all having fun with each other. Why is he over here all in knots about it? Why isn't he over there having fun with them?

Killua looks over his shoulder, and the sight of Gon's brilliant smile sends his stomach plummeting. He has to get out. He needs some- some air. Or something.

Carefully, Killua shrinks into the shadows at the edge of the room. He doesn't know where he wants to go, but he wants to be out of sight. He snags one more champagne glass to bring with him along the way.

He spends a little while sneaking along the edges of the large room, looking for any little nook or cranny where he could get something akin to privacy. He glances up, considers the second floor, but discards the idea quickly. There's still people up there, and limited exits. He doesn't want to feel trapped.

So preoccupied with finding an exit, he doesn't notice his little sister sneaking up on him.

“Where you off to, big brother?”

Her voice surprises him, and he nearly jumps – but doesn't. Just stiffens a little across the shoulders, and turns, hoping she doesn't notice. “Alluka, hey... Uh, off to? Nowhere, nowhere,” he lies, and takes a drink from his glass.

“Uh-huh,” she answers, slow, in a tone he doesn't altogether like the sound of. He hadn't seen her over where Gon and everyone else had been. He suddenly wonders if she'd seen any of that happening. “Well, uh... Hey, listen, I saw Ikalgo around earlier and I thought you'd like to say hi, so-”

“No,” Killua answers, too quickly, because the last place he'd seen Ikalgo had been, well... He doesn't want to risk being drawn near to Gon. He still has all manner of weird feelings rolling around in his gut and he doesn't want to risk acting weird around anyone. Alluka looks at him with lifted eyebrows, though, so he knows he needs to think of an excuse fast. Wheels spin unhelpfully in his head and it occurs to him that maybe he's had a little too much drink this evening. “Uhh, I just... I'll, uh... Talk to him later. He looks busy, uh... you know. Looked busy- uh...”

_Stupid_ , he thinks at himself, and can read more or less the same thought in Alluka's big blue eyes. His face darkens with a flush.

“You okay, big brother?” She asks, concern slipping into her voice. And ugh. He doesn't need that now.

“Yeah, yeah. 'm fine, Alluka, really. I'm just gonna go... get some air, you know?”

Alluka sighs and crosses her arms. “Brother, please don't go spend the rest of the party sulking, okay?”

Killua's brows furrow. “Sulking? What do you mean?”

Alluka takes a moment, as if gathering her words. Then she steps close, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Look, I saw what was happening with Gon and I just don't think you should let yourself get all tied up about it, okay?”

There's that dropping feeling in his stomach again. Killua presses his lips into a line, pushing back all of the frustration he'd felt earlier. “I don't know what you're talking about,” he says quickly, and hopes Alluka will drop it.

Alluka frowns. “Yes, you do. I know you saw Gon under the mistletoe.”

Killua half-turns, a little sharply, pulling his shoulder out of Alluka's grasp. “Yeah, so?” The hot bubbling feeling is coming back, and he knows he should get away from his sister before it gets misdirected at her. She's not letting him go that easy, though.

“Just- Brother, don't be like this. We're all here to have fun aren't we?”

Killua scoffs. “Yeah, fun. We're all having loads of fun.” Especially Gon, apparently.

“Brother,” Alluka says, half whining, half scolding. “Don't do this. You're taking it personally and I'm sure Gon was just-”

The rational voice in the back of his mind gives way to the heat in his stomach and the alcohol making his head fuzzy. “I'm not taking anything personal!” He doesn't meant to say it so loud, so sharp. It draws the attention of those nearby, and for a moment Alluka just gapes at him.

That lasts about a half a second before her temper kicks in, too. “Yes, you totally are! You can't get all mad at Gon when you've never even told him you-”

“I'm not! And there's nothing to tell him!”

“Nothing to tell? Killua, come on!” Alluka stops, closing her eyes and taking a breath to regain her composure. She reaches for Killua's hand with her own. “Brother, stop being stubborn. Do you really want to run off and avoid seeing your friends just because of some silly, unresolved-”

Killua jerks his hand back. “Enough! Mind your own business, Alluka.”

Alluka looks at him, aghast, and anger turns her face red. Her mouth contorts for a minute, and Killua thinks she's about to let him really have it. Part of him even thinks it'll be deserved if she does, but she just says “Fine!” and stomps away in a huff.

Not long after that Killua finds an exit into an unused hallway adjacent to the ballroom being used for the party. It's dark, shut off, and probably not meant for guests to wander. The only lighting comes from the windows lining the outer wall, painting the hallway in deep shadows with swatches of silver moonlight. Killua sighs, closing the door behind him so no one follows, and goes to look out the window to the grounds below – a small garden on the same property as this building.

Alone in the quiet, Killua already regrets swapping heated words with his sister. Standing near the window, he leans his forehead against the cool glass and sighs. “I'm a real idiot.”

She'd been right, even if she had been saying things he didn't want to hear. It was silly of him to get so upset over what happened. How can he expect Gon to know he wouldn't want to see that stuff when he... When he's never-

Oh, he had thought he was over this.

It's been a long time since he's even seriously thought about it. Gon has stayed his best friend all these years, and they've stayed close and in contact when they're not actively traveling together. And yet, no matter how much he's thought about it, no matter how much he's privately wished something might happen, it never did. Killua had accepted at some point along the way that his crush would only ever just be that – a crush.

Or at least, he'd thought he'd accepted that.

With no one around to hear, Killua groans at his own stupidity. He drinks the last of his bubbly drink and sets the empty glass down on the windowsill. Feeling along the window, Killua finds a latch and undoes it, managing to swing the window open. Cold, crisp air flows in and Killua breathes deep. He really does need to clear his head. Just a few minutes, then he can go back in and enjoy the party and apologize to his sister.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now we know why Alluka was so irritated last chapter, lol. I've been very busy lately, so I think I will extend the projected posting time a little. So the next chapters should be up this Sunday, then the Wednesday after Christmas, and then the last chapter on the Sunday following. Thanks to everyone following so far, and especially to you beautiful lovely people leaving comments.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gon sniffs out his target. Killua's had too much champagne to deal.

It only takes Gon so long to realize that just walking around the ballroom casually looking for his friend isn't going to cut it. He's been at it for too long not to have spotted him by now, and Alluka's words linger in the back of Gon's mind. Maybe Killua's gone off somewhere out of sight after he and Alluka got into it. If he's as irritated as Alluka was when Gon found her, it stands to reason he'd want to cool off somewhere.

Taking a breath, Gon carefully expands his en, and goes back to comb through the room more carefully. He's sure he'll feel Killua's familiar aura sooner or later.

It is to Gon's immense surprise that he doesn't. He doesn't feel Killua around at all, not in the whole room, not anywhere nearby.

Which can only mean one thing. Killua, for some reason, doesn't want to be found. Gon frowns to himself, a little worried now.

Again, Alluka's words drift back to him. What was it she said? She didn't want to get 'in the middle'? She'd never told him what she meant by that. Gon bites his lip, unable to shake the nagging feeling in the back of his mind that he's missed something somewhere.

He wanders back over to where he'd seen Killua last – near the buffet bar. Killua doesn't want to be found... But Gon has a feeling he should still try to find him. Luckily enough, as he wanders near the buffet, he picks up a lead. It's faint, but it's there – the smell of the cologne Killua had put on before the party. Gon recognizes it.

Smiling to himself, Gon renews the hunt, ignoring the strange looks he gets from guests as he occasionally pauses to sniff out where to go next. Partway through his trail, Gon thinks to hide his aura as well. After all, if Killua wants to hide, he'll move if he senses Gon coming.

Gon's search leads him to a side door that he's pretty sure guests aren't meant to go through. Careful and quiet, he eases the door open and finds and dark hallway behind it. The smell of Killua's cologne is stronger here. Gon steps through, and shuts the door behind him with a soft _click_.

**\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -**

It's impossible not to hear door he'd entered through earlier begin to swing open, and as the golden light of the ballroom floods in through the crack Killua-

panics.

He keeps his aura hidden, and steps away from the window quick and silent as only a former assassin and well-renowned professional hunter can be. It's easy to find a shadow to melt back into as the door swings further open, revealing a familiar silhouette that makes his heart skip a beat.

Fuck.

_Fuck fuck fuck._

How did he find-?

“Killua?” Gon's voice calls after he shuts the door. Knowing it's futile to keep hiding, Killua still can't quite bring himself to step into the light right away. He hears Gon sigh and says. “I know you're here so you may as well come on out.”

Damn it.

“What do you want, Gon?” Killua asks, stepping forward. He tries not to wince at the way that comes out sounding just a touch defensive.

Killua watches as his friend's eyebrows rumple with concern or confusion as he approaches. “I was looking for you, Killua. You're missing the party, you know.”

_Well, no shit._

Gon sometimes states the most obvious things.

“I hadn't realized.” Killua's reply is dry, even though he knows Gon hasn't really done anything to deserve being spoken to in such a tone. It's just, seeing him here is making him feel irritable all over again. It doesn't matter that he's had time alone, or that his feelings aren't reasonable. He can't squash out that last little spark of anger, that little seed of – he has to admit it, to himself if no one else – jealousy.

Fuck. He'd been jealous.

He'd been jealous of Gon kissing everyone so easily, when Killua has dreamed of tasting his soft mouth for years. It's not fair.

Gon waits a few beats before continuing. “Um... Yeah. Just, uh... There's a lot of people here, you know, who want to see you.”

The thought of walking back in with Gon and going over to all their friends who participated in that- that _stupid show_ \- sets Killua on edge. He can't do it. He knows it's not fair, but he just can't. Not right now. “I'll get around to seeing them soon. You go back on in, Gon.” He turns from Gon, moving back to the window he'd opened earlier, leaning elbows on the windowsill.

Killua waits for Gon to move away, to leave him alone.

Instead, Gon comes up to his side, mirroring his position at the window with his elbows on the sill. “Or I could stay out here with you,” Gon says, and Killua knows it's an offer, knows that Gon's heart is in the right place when he says it.

But Killua doesn't want Gon here. He doesn't want Gon to feel obligated to keep him company, just like he wouldn't want Gon to draw him into that stupid game from earlier just because he felt obligated to include all his friends, and of course Killua is his friend, and if he's kissing all his friends then he might as well kiss Killua too, right? Because that's the only reason he'd want to kiss Killua at all, isn't it?

Killua keeps a tight lid on those thoughts, but he can't stop the agitation from leaking into his tone when he asks, “ _Why_?”

Gon blinks. He hadn't expected that question. “Because you're my friend?” He says, voice lilting into a question – not that he sounds uncertain, but that he's stating the obvious and doesn't know why this needs clarifying for Killua. “And you're out here alone moping while there's a party going on.”

“Moping? Who says I'm moping?” Killua asks, his shoulders tensing. Why would Gon think he's moping? What does he know?

“Killua,” Gon says, his tone flat. “You shut your aura off to sneak away and go hide alone in a dark hallway.”

Ugh. Why does Gon have to read him so well?

“So what?” He retorts, hunching his shoulders in a defensive posture. “Apparently I wasn't hiding well enough, since you found me.” He waits a moment, then risks a sideways glance towards Gon to ask. “How did you find me anyway?”

“Your cologne,” Gon admits, and at least has the decency to look a little sheepish. “I remembered the smell from when you put it on.”

Killua scoffs and rolls his eyes. “Of course.” Gon sniffed him out. It'd be funny if he weren't so out of sorts. Instead, it just annoys him. “Okay, so. Whatever. I'm hiding. Let me hide.”

Gon lets out a heavy sigh. “Come on, Killua.” He leans in to bump their shoulders together, and it takes all Killua has in him not to stand and move away from him. Or shove him back, hard. “Don't be like that.”

“Be like what?” Killua bites back, wondering what it will take for Gon to get the hint to leave him alone.

“Stubborn,” Gon says, and Killua can't help but remember the argument he'd had with Alluka only a little while ago. “Our friends are here. It's a party. You don’t want to miss it all, do you? Let's get out there and have fun”

“Look, Gon, I don't want to right now.”

“Don't want-” Gon sighs. “Killua, look. I know you and Alluka got into it earlier-”

Killua stands straighter at that, turning to look at Gon fully. “What?” Had Alluka talked to Gon? Is that why Gon came to find him?

“Yeah. I know. I found her earlier and she was all irritated, especially when I mentioned you, so-”

Killua's face flames. “What did she say to you?”

It's Gon's turn to turn to look up at him, brow furrowed. He pushes up from where he'd been leaning on the windowsill. “What? Nothing.”

“Nothing?” Killua presses.

“Yeah, nothing! I just don't think you should let whatever argument you had ruin the evening is all.” Gon crosses his arms, frowning at Killua. “Why are you being so weird?”

“Me, weird?” Killua scoffs. Gon's the one who's been weird. It was him being weird that started this whole mess to begin with.

“Yeah,” Gon says. “You. Weird.”

In favor of answering, Killua just scoffs again.

“Killua-”

“Gon,” Killua interrupts, his voice raising “Let it alone. I don't want to go back to the party right now.”

“Well, will you at least tell me why not?” Gon asks, his own tone raising to match. When Killua doesn't answer. “Everything was fine earlier. Is this really over whatever happened between you and Alluka? It can't be that bad.”

“Gon, just stop.”

“But Killua-”

“I don't want to-”

“I just don't understand why you're-”

“Gon-” 

“Maybe I can help if you just-”

“I don't want to go back to the party with you!”

The echo of his voice rings through the empty hallway. Gon's eyes stare wide at him - big, brown, reflecting blue-silver moonlight. Gon is rightfully taken aback by his outburst. 

He hadn’t meant to shout. He can’t take it back, though, and now that those hot, rolling feelings have found a way out, Killua can't seem to stop. It call comes out in a rush.

“I don't want to go back in. I don't want you to stay with me. I don't want to talk about what Alluka and I talked about, and I definitely don't want to go back in and be roped into getting under the stupid mistletoe with you!”

Gon gapes at him, makes a sound that is an attempt at a word, but then nothing follows to complete it. There's a beat, then two, then three, and finally, “I... Killua, is... is that what this is all about?”

Killua feels hot from his hairline to under his collar, and his hands fallen down by his sides where they slowly curl into fists. His heart beats wildly, and he has the strongest urge to run. Maybe he could jump out the window. The fall isn't that high, after all.

And it would get him away from the absolutely bewildered look Gon is directing at him. “Are you... are you mad at me?”

“No,” Killua spits too quickly, and Gon only looks more flabbergasted.

Gon sputters helplessly, hands thrown into the air in front of him, as if grasping for answers. “We- Wh- I- Killua, what even is- What's going on?”

“Nothing,” Killua answers through gritted teeth.

Gon throws his hands over his head in exasperation, half turning away, walking a pace, then turning back. “First Alluka, then... Killua, I can't fix whatever I did if you won't tell me why you're mad!”

“I'm not mad!” Killua insists, because he knows there's no justified reason for him to be mad and he knows he won't be able to explain that to Gon.

“Clearly, you are!” Gon retorts, growing frustrated.

“I'm not mad! I just don't want to be dragged into- into all that stuff!”

“All that stuff,” Gon repeats, hands on his hips. “So, this is about the thing with the mistletoe?”

Killua lets out an huff, throwing his own arms up. Gon isn't going to leave him alone until he gets a satisfying answer, and Killua doesn't have one that doesn't reveal the feelings he's kept hidden for so long. His hands land in his hair, fingers pushing through and ruffling it as he turns away from Gon.

“I just- I don't understand why you're upset about that, Killua. We- It was just some fun. It made everyone laugh. What's the problem?”

“It was just stupid! I don't want to get involved!”

“Why is it stupid?” Gon asks, and Killua can tell he's getting defensive.

“Be- because!”

Killua looks over his shoulder as Gon lets out a frustrated growl, and sees that he's pressed a hand to his face, slowly dragging it down. “Killua, even if you had been there when it happened, I wouldn't have dragged you into it if you really didn't want to-”

Killua blows a raspberry in disbelief. “Whatever. You dragged Spinner into it when she didn't want to. And Leorio got thrown in, too! You got everyone going along with your stupid idea, so-”

“Uh!” Gon gapes at Killua, a mixture of frustration and confusion. “That was just- Killua, we were having fun!” He bites his lip, then folds his arms over himself in a way that looks like he's trying to protect himself. Brown eyes glance sideways out the window. “I get it, okay? You don't want to kiss me. I didn't come out here to convince you to get under the mistletoe with me, anyway.”

For some reason, that stings. Before he can stop it, Killua is spinning around to face him and coming back with, “Oh, so you're saying don't want to get under the mistletoe with _me_?” When Gon only looks at him wide-eyed and blinking, startled, Killua's mouth runs on ahead. “You're fine with laying lips on everyone else, but just not me. Cool. Alright. Cool.”

“Wh- Killua, you're the one who didn't want to get under the mistletoe with me! Now you're mad that I- that I won't? That's what you wanted!”

Killua's face is red hot. “That's not what I said!”

“Yeah it is!” Even under just the light of the moon, Killua thinks he sees Gon's cheeks darken a little in frustration, too. “You made a big deal out of not wanting to get 'dragged in' and now you're mad I didn't come to get you to do just that?”

“Yes! I mean- … No!” Killua's mind is a whirl. What was he trying to tell Gon?

“Killua, what the hell? I... I don't get what you want from me!”

And that's the problem, isn't it? Killua can't say what he wants from Gon, because what will happen then? What would Gon say? How would that affect their friendship? “I don't want anything from you,” Killua answers, because he doesn't know what else to say.

“I mean – clearly you do, Killua! You're mad at me, and I don't know what for. I don't get why you're making a big deal out of this. It wasn't a big deal to anyone else!”

Killua slaps both hands over his eyes, desperate to hide. “That's exactly the point!”

“Uuugh!” He hears Gon groan. “Killua, you're not making any sense. One minute, you don't want to be kissed under the mistletoe. The next minute you're mad cause I'm not here to convince you to kiss me under the mistletoe? It can't be both! Just- God, Killua, just say what you want! Tell me what to do! Either I can take you out there and kiss you like I did everyone else, or I can not kiss you at all!”

Killua's heart falls down into his stomach. He drops his hands and throws them wide. “I don't want either of those things!” He says at last, because his head is fuzzy with champagne and a swirl of emotions and he can't sort them out and hide them at the same time. “I don't- I don't _want_ you to kiss me just because you're kissing everyone else! I don't want it to be- I don't... I want...”

Killua runs out of words. He's left staring at Gon, panting as his shoulders slowly slump. His heart beats a wild tempo in his chest and Gon is looking at him with eyes wider than ever before, mouth hanging open. Killua's gut churns furiously. Oh no... Oh no...

Gon takes a breath as if to say something, but nothing comes out. He tries again, but all that comes out is, “Killua...”

Killua shakes his head, holding pressing a hand over his eyes and hold the other out in a motion meant to silence Gon. “No, Gon I... I can't do this now, okay?” If he can just get out of this- If he can just have some time alone, maybe he'll think of some way to explain himself. Maybe he can avoid this. Maybe Gon still doesn't have to know. “I... I need... Let's just... Can we not right now?”

“I...” For a moment he thinks Gon is going to charge on and demand answers, and Killua supposes that wouldn't be unfair considering it was his own stupid mouth that got them to this point. But instead, Gon just says, “Okay, Killua.” His voice is soft, almost too quiet after their animated argument. After a few moments of silence, he speaks again. “I'll... I'll just go back to the party and let you, um... Let you have your time alone. Just... don't forget to come say hi to everyone.”

“Yeah, okay. I'll... I'll be out soon.” He turns to the window and listens to the sound of Gon's footsteps retreating. The door clicks open and then shut, and he's alone again. He drops his face in his hands. What has he done?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are getting a little crazy for the holidays, but I'm gonna do my best to keep everything on track!
> 
> All I want for Chistmas is some reviews, please~


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gon is endlessly confused and wishes Killua would just be direct with him.

When Gon makes it back over to where some of their friends are gathered, he puts on a smile for them even through his mind is all awhirl.

He feels bad, but he's not even sure what he feels bad for. Killua is upset about him kissing his friends under the mistletoe – that much is clear. But the rest of it is all fuzzy in his head. He doesn't understand why exactly Killua is mad, and part of him stubbornly insists that Killua has no right to be mad about something like that.

This must be what Alluka didn't want to get in the middle of, he realizes, even if he's not quite sure what _this_ is. Only now he's in the middle of it and sees no clear way out.

_'I don't want you to kiss me just because you're kissing everyone else!'_

The words won't stop ringing in Gon's head. Not just because he'd kissed everyone else? Does that mean.... Could that mean that Killua might want- ?

Gon licks his lips in an attempt to get rid of the tingling sensation he feels. But no, that's not quite what Killua had said he wanted, either. Killua had never actually finished saying what he wanted, only what he didn't want.

Just because Gon wants to kiss him... 

He can't risk projecting his feelings onto what Killua had said.

Admittedly, this is something he hadn't even thought of when he'd started this whole thing. Kissing his friends under the mistletoe, he hadn't thought until Killua's name had been brought up that he might wind up kissing him under the mistletoe, too. Once it _had_ occured to him though - ...Well, he'd be lying if he said the thought alone wasn't enough to waken the butterflies in his gut and make his heart do an excited somersault in his chest.

He'd meant what he said, though – to Kurapika first and then Killua. If Killua had been there when it all happened and he hadn't wanted to come under the mistletoe, he wouldn't have made him. It had been different with Spinner. She'd been part of the argument. And with Leorio, well... He's sure Leorio's not really mad at him for bringing him into it. It had been all in good fun, hadn't it?

But Killua? He couldn't have made Killua do anything. He can so easily imagine Killua smiling that stupidly beautiful smile of his and slipping his hands all nonchalant into is pockets – all ease and allure and absolutely unattainable. He can hear him laugh and tell Gon – _‘Naw, I’m good.’_ And that would have been the end of it.

And if Killua had joined him under the mistletoe, then... He would have just had to play it cool, wouldn't he? Gon flushes thinking about it. He could have just kissed his cheek or forehead or something. He could have acted like it was no big deal, like kissing his very best friend wasn't something he'd daydreamed about for … a very long time now.

Gon's sure that wouldn't have happened, though. Killua has never shown interest in him as more than a friend. Killua has never said anything to make Gon think he stood a chance, or else he might have tried, but... He doesn't want to push for something he wants when that could potentially ruin what they have. Killua makes him happy, and Gon doesn't have to press his luck for more.

Why would Killua be interested in him, anyway? Killua Zoldyck is _the_ definition of _'a catch.'_ Killua is stunningly beautiful, and talented hunter. He's strong, witty, and funny. Killua is kind in spite of everything that's happened to him, and fiercely loyal to those who earn it. Gon has never met anyone who he found as amazing as his best friend. Killua makes his heart soar, makes him ache with the sweetest sense of longing.

But to Killua's eyes (his gorgeous, breath-stealing eyes), Gon is just his friend. After all these years, Gon counts himself lucky to have Killua's friendship.

Gon wouldn't gamble that away for anything.

“Is something the matter Gon?”

Gon blinks and turns to find Banana looking at him with a rumpled brow. He realizes all at once he's been tuned out of the conversation for a while now.

“Huh? Oh. Yeah. I'm fine.”

“You sure?” Spinner, standing next to Banana with an arm around her waist, adds. “You seem real distracted.”

Gon can't deny that he is, but he doesn't really want to talk about it. “Mm, a little I guess. It's fine, though.”

Gon notes a few other of his friends looking at him, but he turns his attention back to the drink in his hand. He takes a slow sip. Luckily, when he looks up again, they don't seem to be paying him as much attention.

Leorio's still looking at him, though. “Hey, you never came back with that brat. Where's Killua got off to anyway?”

A few other heads look up – Palm, Ikalgo, Kurapika – murmuring reiterations of the question. None of them have seen Killua yet, and all are interested to.

“Oh, uh...” Gon feels a bit of color come into his cheeks, and quickly takes down the rest of his drink. Maybe he can pass off his flush as an effect of the alcohol. “I, uh... You know, I walked around but didn't spot him. He's somewhere, I'm sure.” He occupies himself with oh-so-carefully settling his now empty glass down on a nearby table. He can't tell them he found Killua, of course. How could he explain coming back without him?

If anyone found out they had a disagreement, they'd ask too many questions – questions Gon doesn't know how to answer.

“I can't believe he hasn't come to say hi yet,” Ikalgo says from where he sits perched on Palm's shoulder, his tentacles crossed in frustration.

“I'm sure he will soon,” Gon offers.

He's not expecting it when Palm looks past his shoulder and points. “Oh, look – speak of the devil.”

Gon turns, and yes- There's Killua, looking much more put together than when he saw him last, approaching them as if nothing ever happened.

Suddenly, Gon is all nerves. He falls back a little, lets Killua have room to move about and greet their friends. It's nice to see him smile and laugh and hug them, and if Gon didn't know any better he'd think there really was nothing bothering Killua.

But he knows his best friend. For all Killua seems calm and collected now, Gon knows the signs that indicate he's not quite at ease. There's the slightest line of tension to his shoulders, and he smooths his hair back one too many times.

He doesn't look at Gon, either. It's not like he's outright ignoring him. That would seem to weird, and their friends would all catch on quickly. But his eyes skirt around Gon, never looking directly at him as he takes time to greet all their friends and talk to them.

Gon feels like there's a stone in his stomach – a heavy feeling that contrasts sharply with the fluttery, unstable feeling running all through the rest of him.

Killua's words still echo in his mind. He doesn't want Gon to kiss him because he'd kissed everyone else. But what does he want? Why can't Killua just say? Gon will do anything, he'll do whatever he can to make sure his relationship with Killua isn't strained. He hates it when he and Killua are on the outs with each other. If Gon knew what to do now - even just to make Killua happy, even just to assure he has a nice time tonight - Gon would do it without hesitation. He'd do anything Killua asked. If Killua would only say...

His best friend may not be looking at him, but Gon can't seem to tear his gaze away from Killua for too long. Killua looks handsome all dressed up like this. Of course, Killua would look good in a burlap sack, but all the same. Killua has a poise about him that anyone would envy. His blue eyes seem bluer under the well lit ballroom. He smiles at Ikalgo and Palm as they catch up, and Killua's lips are a such pretty pink shade.

Gon is incredibly familiar with the shape of that smile. He's seen it hundreds of thousands of times. The only thing he doesn't know for sure is how it would feel against his own.

Gon sees blue eyes cut over to him briefly, catching him staring, and he quickly diverts his attention elsewhere in an attempt to avoid looking at his friend. Gon hopes his face doesn’t look as red as it feels. He sucks on his lower lip, the ghost feeling of an imagined kiss haunting him.

He has to stop lingering on this. This isn't going to help him here, now.

Only, it doesn't seem he's going to be allowed to stop thinking about his friend and mistletoe and kissing. Because inevitably, after everyone has had the chance to talk with Killua a little, someone asks-

“So, is it Killua's turn under the mistletoe now?”

Gon feels his face heat, and before he knows it, many familiar voices are piping up.

“Oh, yeah! Killua's the only one who hasn't-”

“Get your kissin' lips ready, boy!”

“Yeah, yeah! Killua's turn!”

Oh, no… Oh no! Killua doesn't want this! Gon’s heart thunders in his chest. Maybe if he says something quick enough he can put a stop to it. Gon turns to his nearby friends and rubs at the back of his neck, waving dismissively with the other hand. “Oh, you guys. The joke's over now, isn't it? Haha, that was, like... way earlier. Killua wasn't here for that.”

His attempt to dodge is met with dismay.

“Whaaat! No, Gon, you gotta!”

“Mistletoe, mistletoe!”

Gon looks over to Killua, his heart pounding, wondering what he can do. He doesn't want to make Killua! Even if he's not sure what Killua meant earlier, he’d gotten loud and clear that this - _this specifically_ \- is not what Killua wanted. And as much as Gon wants to kiss him, even just once, he doesn't want a kiss that's not given willingly. Zepile is already there with his arm thrown around Killua's neck, though, laughing and explaining.

“Oh, man, yeah, you missed it earlier! Kite and one of his crew got into a scuffle, and Gon got fed up and just- just laid one on Kite right there!” Zepile makes an exaggerated kissing noise, then laughs to himself.

Gon expects Killua to be angry. He expects him to pull away, to say he doesn't want to, that he can't kiss Gon – anything to stop this.

Killua, however, just gives a little smile, as if amused. Gon blinks in confusion. “Oh, yeah? Yeah, Alluka was telling me about it just a little while ago. He wound up kissing a lot of you, huh?”

Zepile laughs and nods. “Oh, yeah! Leorio was a stick in the mud up until the last minute, but pretty much everyone got a smooch!”

Leorio scoffs. “I wasn't- Look, whatever, I had my turn.” He points to Killua. “Now you gotta have one.”

Gon lifts his hands and waves them in front of him. “Ah, no, guys... I'm, uh... I'm good for the night. It's cool.”

That only gets him a bunch of skeptical looks.

“Huh?”

“Good for the night?” Zepile echos. “What, you got some sort of nightly kiss quota you already filled?”

“Yeah, Gon, let Killua have his turn!”

Gon feels sweat dotting the back of his beck. His eyes dart around, looking for an excuse to leave. Maybe he could say he has to pee? Would that be too weird? And it wouldn't last. He couldn't just hide in the bathroom all night, so-

“Yeah, Gon. Let me have my turn.”

Gon must be hearing things. That couldn't have been-

But it was. He turns to find Killua looking at him, taking a step forward.

Gon can only stare. Killua offers his hand. “C'mon,” he encourages.

“But... Killua...” Unease wells up inside him. His eyes dart between Killua's hand, held palm up between them, and his face. He _knows_ Killua doesn't want this. That was the only thing he'd made really, truly clear. So why...?

Killua clicks his tongue and catches Gon's hand with his own. “Mistletoe is this way, right?” He asks, dragging Gon along behind him before he can even answer. A loud cheer comes up from their friends.

Gon can't find his words as Killua pulls him over to the spot he'd stood in earlier. His pulse beats loud in his ears as Killua stops walking and turns to face him, still holding his hand. Gon can hear their friends gathering near, some calling over others who have wandered off. He stares up into Killua's stunning blue eyes as his friends all cheer and whistle and tell them to get on with it.

Gon drops his voice to a whisper. “We really don't have to do this, Killua.”

Killua rolls a shoulder in a shrug, his cheeks dusting a light pink. “It's fine, Gon. It'd be weird to everyone else if we didn't.”

Gon bites his lip and drops his gaze. He supposes that Killua is right. Still, his stomach churns. He never wanted to force Killua into this. He looks down at their joined hands, and wonders how he should go about it. What would be quick? What would make Killua least uncomfortable?

Inspiration strikes, and Gon looks up at Killua, slowly lifting their hands between them. He watches Killua's expression from under his eyelashes as he slowly ghosts his lips over the backs of Killua's fingers, hoping this is okay. It's not too intimate, not too close.

He can't miss the way Killua's blush deepens for a moment. His own cheeks feel hot, too.

He's surprised when Killua tightens his grip on Gon's hand and tugs on it, nearly sending Gon off balance as he pulls him closer and lands a firm, tight-lipped kiss on his cheek. Gon takes in a sudden breath and-

It's over as quickly as it happens. Killua’s lips leave his cheek.

Their friends, at least, are satisfied. The game is complete. Everyone claps and cheers.

Killua moves away from him, and for a moment all Gon can do is stand and watch, his heart in his throat.

The rest of the party goes off without a hitch. Killua moves around socializing, laughing, smiling. Gon eventually sees Alluka not far off. She sits down with Zushi and Bisky, and they're soon busy talking among themselves. Drink and food is passed around. His friends link arms and exchange stories and make promises to see more of each other in the new year. Music swells around them, and several of them move to the dance floor.

Everything's great.

Except that it's not. The rest of the party goes on like everything is normal, but everything isn't normal - it’s so far from normal.

Killua avoids him. (And avoids Alluka too, he can't help but notice).

It’s worse than before. When both he and Killua are pulled into a conversation together, Killua talks more at him than to him. He looks past his shoulder instead of at his face. He doesn't engage in conversation with Gon unless prompted. He doesn't make a point to move away from Gon, but to Gon it feels as though Killua is a million miles away.

Gon had always expected to spend this evening in no small part with Killua. He expected to laugh with him, joke with him, play games, poke fun, talk endlessly. It is becoming increasingly evident, though, that Killua doesn’t want to spend the party in Gon’s company at all. Gon is miserable.

He can’t help but feel like this is his fault. Even though he’d tried to stop their friends from shoving them under the mistletoe together, even though Killua was the one who agreed to it in the end - Gon feels like he should have done something different. If he’d done something different, Killua wouldn’t be mad at him now.

When their friends move off to dance, Gon can't help but let his eyes be drawn to Killua. Normally, they'd share a dance or two. They've done it dozens of times - like how they do almost anything they can together. They've clasped hands, linked arms, swung each other around wildly, and leaned tired and less than sober into one another to sway gently here and there.

When he looks at Killua, hands down by his sides, flexing unconsciously, he finds Killua looking at him for the first time in hours. Hope balloons inside him.

Killua pops it quickly, though, when he looks away and moves to touch Palm's elbow and invite her out to dance instead.

As the evening goes on, Gon finds it harder to keep up a happy face. When Kurapika asks if he's okay, Gon just passes it off as being tired.

He's ready for this evening to be over. Killua clearly isn't going to talk to him tonight and he doesn't have the energy to keep being engaged here, even with so many friends around. Any holiday cheer he'd felt earlier is long gone.

It's only as the party is winding down, though, that Gon realizes that at the end they'll have to leave together – all three of them.

The cab ride back to the hotel is every bit as awkward as Gon expects.

Killua climbs in quick, not saying much to either him or Alluka. Gon can tell Alluka is still annoyed, but when Gon hesitates to join Killua in the back seat, she has mercy and climbs in to sit in the middle.

That leaves Gon with the other window seat.

The driver pulls away from the curb after he's been given their destination, and then the only sound is the low noise of his radio and the traffic they pass by.

Gon risks a glance towards his two companions. Killua is leaning against his door, forehead to the window. Gon can see the vague reflection of his impassive face in the glass. Alluka's face is illuminated by the glow of her phone as the thumbs along the screen.

Gon turns to his own window to watch lights and cars go by, hoping to escape the tension in the air even just a little.

When they arrive at the hotel, they pile out as silently as they'd piled in. Gon pays the driver and turns to see Killua is already entering the lobby, while Alluka is halfway there, but turned back to make sure Gon is following. He gives her a smile he doesn't feel and they go in together.

In the room, Killua claims the bathroom first. Alluka mutters a response and flops down on the couch, picking up a remote to switch the tv on.

Gon follows Killua's back with his eyes until he disappears beyond the bedroom door, and for several moments after his gaze lingers on the empty doorway. He reaches up to loosen his tie, thinking a little about toeing out of his shoes and a lot about how much he wishes Killua would say anything to him at this point.

Gon leaves his shoes on. He can’t do this. The thought of staying in this room, only to have Killua ignore him while he and Alluka ignore each other... He just can't do it.

“Hey, Alluka...” He turns to find her flipping through channels. After she hums an acknowledgment, he continues. “I'm gonna go back downstairs for a bit... Go for a walk or something, I think.”

That pulls Alluka's gaze from the tv. Her brows knit and Gon can tell she's concerned. “Gon?” She says, and when she speaks Gon can tell it's not just her that's worried, but Nanika too.

“It's okay,” he says, putting on the best smile he can for her. “I'll be back soon, okay? I promise.”

Alluka's lips purse. But she nods. “Okay. Text if you need something.”

That wins a more genuine smile from Gon. “Okay.”

When he leaves, he shuts the door as quietly as he can mange behind him. Instead of the elevator, he takes several flights of stairs down to the ground floor. As he steps out of the stairwell, he's really considering going out for a walk, like he said. As he is partway through the lobby, though, the sound of a piano distracts him.

He follows the soft music to a sparsely populated bar inside the hotel’s ground floor. Sure enough, someone sits at a piano, playing a soft almost sad melody. There aren’t many others. A few scattered among the table seem occupied with their own thoughts or are watching the pianist. The bartender stands behind the bar polishing glasses.

Gon's feet carry him to a stool before he gives it much thought.

The bartender turns to him slowly, setting the empty, polished glass back in its place.

“Got a case of the ol’ holiday blues there, son?” he says.

Gon pauses halfway through sitting down on the stool, a little startled by such an astute observation. He settles onto the cushioned seat, though, and offers a sheepish smile. “Ouch. Is it that obvious?”

The bartender chuckles. “Nah. S’just most people coming here at this hour on a day like this are feeling pretty down on themselves.”

Gon hums, and nods. That makes sense.

“So,” the bartender says. “What can I do ya for?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the final chapter is probably gonna be a little late. I'm aiming to have it finished an ready to upload in one week. Sorry for the delay!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nanika is a smart girl, and her brother sometimes needs things pointed out to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanna just take a moment to apologize to everyone who has been waiting a MONTH now for me to finish this. Time got away from me, and I had some life stuff to deal with. 
> 
> Thank you so so much to everyone who has supported this fic, and extra thanks to my sweetest Fi for making this fic come to life.

Killua doesn't wait for the water running from the sink faucet to get warm before he cups his hands under and brings it up to wash his face. Although his hands feel chilled – they usually do, especially this time of year – the cool water actually feels really nice on his over-heated face. Now that the champagne seems to be wearing off for the most part, Killua's head only feels a little fuzzy. His entire face, though, feels almost feverishly warm.

He splashes his face a few more times, rubbing gently with his palms and fingers before finding a wash rag to pat himself dry. He looks up and blue eyes find themselves in the mirror. He sighs.

How did tonight turn into such a disaster? He hadn't spent as much time with his friends as he'd wanted, and he spent the time he’d had with them distracted and nervous. Alluka is still mad at him. And Gon...

A lump forms in his throat. His insides feel all shivery.

He takes a few moments to just breathe.

Killua knows he can't hide in here all night. It's just... what will he say to Gon? More importantly – what does Gon have to say to him?

He could probably avoid the subject for the rest of the night if he wanted to. Gon hasn't pressed because he'd asked him not to. He’ll probably let Killua be for longer than is entirely fair to himself.

But can Killua be that unfair to Gon? Can Killua really keep dancing around this for the foreseeable future?

Hasn't it been long enough?

His train of thought is ended when he's forced to heed the call of nature, and he returns to the sink again to wash his hands. He looks at himself in the mirror, pulling his tie loose.

This will only get harder the longer he waits it out.

“Don't over think it,” he tells his reflection. He just has to go out there. Maybe he and Gon will talk tonight, or maybe they won't. Tempting as it is to have some plan to fall back on, he knows he doesn't have the time or mental capacity right now to form anything useful.

He'll just roll with it. He can do that.

Pushing out of the bathroom, Killua pulls his tie from his neck and tosses it along with his blazer onto the bed. The bed he and Gon had shared last night because Alluka prefers to have her own room. His heart thuds in his chest. Maybe he could take the couch tonight...

Shaking his head, he pushes on. Stepping into the living area of their suite, Killua sees his sister sitting on the couch, her pale face illuminated by the television screen.

Nanika has found herself some cartoon channel to watch that is still running one of the holiday specials. Killua dares to glance around the room, but doesn't find Gon immediately. He tries not to linger on it, figuring his best friend is just in another room – the other bathroom, maybe, or rooting around in the kitchenette.

With a sigh, he sits down next to Nanika. “It's pretty late,” he says, and drops a hand to her head to give her a pet. When she leans into the touch, his shoulders release a tension he hadn't realized he'd been holding. Good, she's not mad at him. At least – not to the extent that Alluka is. “You gonna stay up much longer, sweetie?”

“Not tired,” Nanika says, and that's a relief, too – to have someone talk to him, even if it's partially his fault that no words have passed between him and Alluka or him and Gon for the past few hours. Nanika's attention stays on the television, but she leans in again his side, and Killua drops an arm around her shoulders.

Killua tries to keep his attention on the television, but his eyes keep darting to the doorway of the other bathroom, or to the dark corner around which their kitchenette is. He doesn't realize his leg is bouncing nervously up and down until Nanika reaches over to pace a gentle but firm hand at his knee, weighing it down with an unspoken request – _be still_.

“Sorry,” he mutters, keeping his leg still even if it means his nervous energy has no outlet.

“S'okay,” Nanika says, and takes her hand back.

It's so quiet in here, Killua realizes. Aside from the television and the soft sounds of breathing beside him, Killua doesn't hear anything else. No movement in the suite as far as he can tell. He leans forward a little bit, extending his en slowly. As if already knowing what Killua is searching for, though, Nanika speaks up again.

“Gon left.”

Killua turns towards her, his chest feeling tight. “He left?” He echos, a fresh burst of nerves making it hard to stay seated. “He... when? Where to?”

Nanika is finally pulled away from her cartoon and turns her attention to him fully, nodding. “Mm. A few minutes ago. Dunno where.”

Killua's heart drops into his stomach. Is Gon really that upset with him? So much that he had to leave? Is he that uncomfortable? Killua usually resists crumpling in front of his sister, but his arm drops from around her shoulders as he leans forward, elbow to knee while he presses his hand over his eyes. His stomach is all in knots and he's really regretting having consumed little else than alcohol all night.

A warm hand lands softly between his shoulder blades and rubs gently. “He'll be back,” Nanika tells him, gently.

Killua dares to pull his hand back enough to glance sideways at her. “Yeah?”

Nanika nods. “He said so. It's okay.”

Killua bites his lip and nods. “Yeah,” he breathes, and even to his own ears it sounds like he's trying to convince himself. “Maybe he'll... be less upset with me when he comes back.”

Nanika's hand stills on his back, and when Killua looks at her again she has a firm frown on her face. “Killua...,” she says, and turns to face him more fully, cross legged and sideways on the couch. “Gon is sad.”

Killua shakes his head. She doesn't understand. “No, I... I said something to upset him earlier, hon. It's why we didn't talk much at the party or, you know, on the way back.”

Nanika frowns harder at him. With a soft huff, she lifts her hand and extends her pointer finger.

“Wh- Hey-”

Killua is pressed back with the force of Nanika pushing her finger into the center of his forehead.

“Stuuuupid,” she says, in a tone obviously meant to mimic him. “Not upset. Gon is _sad_!”

She relents, taking back her finger, but she still frowns at him as he sits up, blinking at her. She crosses her arms, looking at him as though she expects something.

“I...” Killua still wants to protest. Part of him is still sure Nanika is misreading the situation. Gon must feel... awkward, or nervous, or even angry with him. Killua's revealed his feelings, more or less. Gon's smart enough to guess Killua has a crush, after what he'd blurted earlier. It must feel weird for Gon realizing his best friend feels more than he does, and he must be angry at Killua for yelling at him then pointedly avoiding him. He can understand Gon wanting space now. That's what this is, isn't it? Lost in thoughts, Killua looks towards the front door of their suite. Gon hasn't left anything behind, as far as he can tell. Didn't even take the time to dress down. He must have left in a hurry.

Another huff from beside him. “Killua's stuuuupid. Gon is sad.”

Killua drops his face into his hand again, sighing heavily. Then, he looks back to his sister. “You're sure? He was sad when he left?”

Nanika nods firmly.

This is... this is so silly. If Gon is sad, and he might be the cause of it... Gon's his best friend, no matter what. It's useless just to sit here worrying.

“Well... I guess I better go check on him, then.”

Finally, Nanika smiles at him. She nods.

Killua smiles, and kisses her forehead. “I'll be back later. Love you.”

“Mmm. Love you too!”

\- - - - - -

It doesn’t take as long to find him as Killua had thought it might. Much to his surprise, Gon never even made it out of the building.

Killua stands near the wide entrance to the bar and dining area of their hotel and feels guilt wash over him anew at the sight of his best friend slumped against the bar, alone.

_Gon’s sad_ , Nanika words echo in his ears. Killua is starting to realize that she’d been right, as she so often is. Gon’s sad, and although part of Killua is nervous to even consider in what manner Gon is sad, Killua has no doubt that it is because of him.

Gon is his best friend. He needs to stop avoiding this and talk to him.

Still, the nerves in his gut curl into a tight ball. Approaching Gon now seems like cornering a startled animal. He’s not sure if Gon will welcome his presence. He takes a deep breath. Carefully, he shuts off his aura, slides his hands in his pockets, and walks with silent footsteps across the carpeted floor.

\- - - - - -

With the last swallow of his drink still burning in his throat, Gon leans forward, chest to the edge of the bar with one arm folded on its surface, his chin propped on his forearm. In his other hand he holds his glass, empty but for the few pieces of ice in the bottom. Brown eyes fixed, he tilts it, moving his wrist in a circular motion to make the melting ice cubes travel around the rim of the glass, listening to the satisfying _'clink, clink,'_ sounds they make along the way.

When the barkeep asks if he wants another, he glances up briefly. “No thanks.”

Gon watches him give a shrug and move away, and then turns back to his glass.

_'Clink, clink. Cli-clink clink.'_

Gon supposes he probably should want to get drunk now. He should want to drown it all out. But tonight's already been confusing enough without making his head more fuzzy. He just doesn’t have it in him to knock another back.

He sighs, turning his face down towards the bar top, forehead on his arm.

If he'd had the slightest clue how things would turn out after his silly game earlier...

He doesn't want to regret it. It had been fun! It had made the people he loves laugh and smile and enjoy themselves. 

All except Killua, anyway.

Gon still can't for the life of him figure out why Killua was so upset. His mind goes in circles when he thinks about it. First, Killua hadn't wanted Gon to make him participate. Then he'd been mad when Gon wasn't going to make him participate. And finally, after all the yelling, he'd come out and almost instigated being put under the mistletoe with Gon.

None of it makes sense!

_'I don't want you to kiss me just because you're kissing everyone else!'_

The words still ring in Gon's ears as though they’ve just left Killua’s mouth. He could almost be back there again if he just closes his eyes. Killua in front of him lit by moonlight in an empty hallway, blue eyes glinting and eyebrows slanted in obvious frustration. He throws his hands wide and yells at Gon, voice echoing off the walls before he stops, eyes going wide.

There's an ache in his chest that only intensifies the longer he thinks about Killua's beautiful, bewildered face and his even more bewildering words.

Maybe he does need that second drink, after all.

Gon hears someone approaching, and is aware of that person moving to sit by him. The fact that he doesn't note the suspicious lack of aura on this person until they've taken their seat only goes to show how frazzled Gon's mind is, but by then he can smell a familiar cologne.

“I don't think they'd appreciate you falling asleep on the bar, Gon,” comes Killua's gentle voice, and _oh.._ Oh, it's not fair how relieving it is to hear him say something so- so casual. Gon contributes the sudden, hot, pressing feeling behind his eyes to stress, but he reels it all in before that heat can become tears. Crying over something so little would be ridiculous, wouldn't it?

“You didn't have to sneak up on me,” Gon mutters, stubbornly refusing to lift his head for a moment.

Slowly, Killua comes out of zetsu and Gon can feel his aura again. Rather than lifting his head, Gon simply turns so he can rest his cheek against his arm and look up at Killua sideways. Their eyes meet and a moment of silence stretches out between them before Killua lifts a hand to the back of his neck.

His eyes cut away, sheepish, and he answers, “I didn’t really mean to sneak up, just… Well, you left the room, so I wasn't sure if you'd wanna... see me, I guess.”

Gon sits straighter at that, furrowing his brows. “That's not fair.” He says, folding his arms on the counter top and leaning against them. “ _You're_ the one who didn't want to talk to _me_ , Killua.” His voice comes out a little sharper than he means it, but it’s true, isn’t it? “ _You’re_ the one who said you didn’t want to talk, and _you’re_ the one who avoided me all night.” Turning his face away as he brings his folded arms in defensively against himself, Gon hunches his shoulders as though that might somehow hide him.

When Killua goes quiet beside him, Gon worries for a moment that he’s put Killua off. He worries that Killua will move away, leave, decide he isn’t ready to talk after all. Slowly, he turns his gaze to Killua to find the other with blue eyes cast down, teeth worrying his pretty lower lip.

When he senses Gon looking at him, Killua looks up. He nods. “Yeah,” he replies. “Yeah, I… Yeah.” Again, Killua rubs at the back of his neck, and Gon’s gut curls around itself. “You’re right.”

Gon frowns down at the bar top. He’s spent all night waiting for a chance to talk to Killua, but now that he’s here Gon feels cross and frustrated. He takes in a breath, telling himself he’s stupid for feeling so hurt over one evening of them being at odds. It’s not as if it hasn’t happened before, after all. He risks a glance at Killua. “Look, Killua… I… I still don’t get what had you so upset to start with, but I just… I just don’t want you to be mad at me anymore.”

“I wasn’t- Gon, I wasn’t mad,” Killua says, turning on his barstool to face Gon.

“Yes, you were!” Gon comes back instantly, because even if he’d rather not argue, he’ll never understand how to avoid making Killua so upset if Killua won’t even be honest about when he’s upset it the first place. “Don’t deny it, Killua.”

“I-” Killua’s brows are furrowed, and he pushes a hand through his hair, messing it up in a way Killua would hate if he realized. “No, you’re… I _was_ mad at you, but… I shouldn’t have been. Gon, I’m sorry.”

Gon’s shoulders slump, any semblance of fight going out of him. He feels all wobbly inside, like jello, and has to blink against the hot feeling out of his eyes again. He really just wants to make amends. “I’m sorry, too, Killua.”

Killua turns to him, faster than he’d expected. “No, Gon, you shouldn’t be. You didn’t do-”

“I mean, I did something,” Gon insists, turning back to lean against the bar. “I’m sorry for whatever I did that upset you, Killua. I feel like I ruined the whole night...”

“No, Gon,” Killua sighs from beside him, and then Gon feels the warmth of a hand on his shoulder. Gon looks up at him, brows pinched together as Killua goes on. “You- you didn’t ruin anything.”

Gon frowns, drops his gaze. “But… tonight sucked, Killua.”

“It wasn’t all bad, though...” Killua offers, and Gon can tell he’s trying to lighten the mood.

In a way, Gon supposes he’s right. It hasn’t all been bad. “Well, I mean, I liked getting to see everyone. I was happy that Kite and Kurapika and everyone showed up. But...” Gon sighs. “But then you weren’t around, and even after I found you we only argued and we didn’t spend any time together like we normally would have.”

When Gon glances back over at Killua, he’s not making direct eye contact. He’s dropped his hand to the bar top, fingertips drumming across it. “Yeah, but, like…” Killua’s foot, propped on the stool’s footrest, moves in an agitated manner that makes his knee bounce. “You had so many people to spend time with,” he says, blue eyes cutting up to him only briefly.

Gon feels his stomach twist. Is that how Killua had felt? Had he not wanted to spend any time with Gon? He turns his gaze away quickly, suddenly feeling vulnerable even though Killua isn’t looking right at him for long.

“Well, yeah, but...” Gaze pulled down, Gon pulls his glass over in front of him, shifting it back and forth to watch the mostly melted ice slide around the bottom. There’s not even enough for it to clink against the glass anymore. “I dunno. Normally I would’ve been spending time with everyone _with_ you. We would’ve… I dunno. Joked around. Told stories together. Danced.” Gon shrugs hurriedly, shaking his head. “I dunno. It just wasn’t the same ‘cause we weren’t talking, and it sucked is all…”

Gon bites his lip. He must sound so silly, so needy.

It’s silent beside him, and Gon doesn’t dare to look over at Killua. The longer it takes him to respond, the more Gon wishes he’d kept his words to himself.

“Well,” Killua starts, prompting Gon to slowly slide his gaze sideways. Killua is looking down at the counter top, and his gaze flickers over sideways, too. “...We could dance now.”

\- - - - - -

Killua sucks in a breath as he waits for Gon to reply, pressing his lips together firmly. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees his best friend turn towards him, brown eyes under knitted brows peering at him.

“Wh-” Gon starts, turned now on his stool to fully face Killua, his empty glass forgotten on the bar top. “Here?” He asks, his voice sounding uncertain, and maybe (just maybe) a little hopeful.

The breath he’s been holding comes out in a rush and, with effort, Killua puts on a smile. “Yeah, here.” Turning to Gon, he slides off his stool and begins folding his sleeves up. “You’re right, Gon. Tonight sucked.” This is the least he can do for his friend after letting his mixed up emotions get the better of him earlier. As much as he finds it hard to believe Gon had really missed him that much with all their other friends around, he’d wanted to spend time with Gon as much as Gon had apparently wanted to spend time with him. And Gon had mentioned dancing specifically, so… “But there’s music here. Let’s dance.” He lifts his gaze and stretches a hand outward in offering.

Gon’s dark eyes lower to Killua’s hand, then slowly lift back up. A sweet, tentative smile that makes Killua’s heart stutter with affection curves his lips, and then Killua feels warm fingers sliding over his own. “Okay. Yeah.”

Gon hops off his stool, giving Killua’s hand a little squeeze. Killua is all nerves as they walk to the small, vacant dance floor. One of the guests has found her way over to the pianist, and Killua can see them talking before he starts to play a tune less melancholy than the one before, though no less slow. The guest near him sings in a sweet, soothing voice – more for herself than for an audience, but it makes a nice backdrop to dance against anyway.

He and Gon turn to each other, each lifting their non-joined hands before hesitating. Killua glances up to Gon’s face, pretending as though his heart isn’t in his throat. “So, who should…?”

“You can lead,” Gon answers, his voice soft. His brown eyes cut away, though, and he hastily adds on, “I mean, if you want to.”

Eager to do whatever will make Gon happy, Killua gently cups Gon’s unoccupied hand and brings it to his own shoulder. “No, that’s fine,” he says, and brings his hand down to rest at Gon’s waist. “I lead, you follow.”

They stand like that, close, for a moment. Gon looks… good like this. He’s not exactly dressed down, but his tie hangs undone from his neck and he’s undone the first few buttons of his shirt. His sleeves are rolled up, too. It’s enough to make him look a little more comfortable, a little more casual. And even though they’ve danced together dozens of times, even if they have sat close, stood close, leaned in on each other, touched in casual and friendly manners hundreds of thousand of times more, standing with Gon here and now feels intimate somehow. He’s warm and solid under Killua’s hands. He can feel the heat of Gon’s skin through the thin fabric of his dress shirt at his shoulder from Gon’s hand, where his bared forearm is draped over Killua’s chest, even through the layers of Gon’s vest and dress shirt where Killua holds his waist. Gon looks up at him, and Killua suddenly remembers those beautiful brown eyes looking up from over the back of his own hand, the feel of soft lips brushing in a chaste kiss.

Killua snaps himself out of it. They have to move, not just stand here all night. He’s supposed to be leading. Gon is waiting on him.

Gently, he pulls Gon along into a slow dance. This is easy and familiar. He and Gon have been friends for ages. He knows how they move together. Even when he notices Gon looking a little hesitant, even with the slow pace of the song drifting around them, Killua knows just how to make his best friend smile.

He steps this way, tugging Gon into his sway. Then back, pulling Gon in, twirling Gon out. As Gon spins under his arm, Killua earns the first laugh from him. A smile curves Killua’s lips too as he pulls Gon in quick, spinning the two of them in place.

Gon lifts his arm and Killua ducks under it for his own spin, smiling wide at Gon as he lowers his shoulders to fit under. Gon chuckles softly at him again.

Killua goes back into leading, pulling Gon into his steps. He lengthens his stride to something not fitting of the music, something that’s difficult for Gon, with his shorter legs, to follow without stumbling. He trips Gon up on purpose, but just enough for him to feel the thrill of losing his footing a little before Killua catches him again.

“Ki-lu-aaa,” Gon laughs, hurrying to catch up with Killua’s long stride has he steps them sideways and forward and back. “You’re, haha, you’re gonna make me fall,” he says, in that tone like he’s trying to scold Killua but can’t quite manage through his laughter.

“Never,” Killua says, grinning. “Don’t you know who you’re dancing with? I’m the fastest hunter on earth, Gon. You won’t fall with me.”

Gon looks up at him, his eyes soft, warm, happy. “Mmm,” he hums, finally managing to step in close as Killua slows enough for him to catch up. His eyes look somewhere over Killua’s shoulder. “I’m not so sure about that.”

“Guess I’ll have to prove it to you then,” Killua says, trying not to get distracted by the feel of Gon’s thumb making small circles on his shoulder. “...Is tonight less sucky now, at least?”

Gon turns his smile back up to Killua, nodding enthusiastically. “Yeah! Yeah, definitely.”

Killua sighs, relief washing over him. “Good,” he murmurs.

They continue to dance, though their pace slows until they are more or less just turning and swaying in place. Without his meaning to, Gon has somehow gotten much closer. Killua can’t remember if he’s pulled Gon in or if Gon’s stepped in close of his own accord, but he can feel the warmth of Gon all over as his friend leans in against him, his head to Killua’s shoulder. Killua swallows, and tries to calm the beating of his heart.

He tucks his chin over Gon’s shoulder, Gon’s hair gently brushing his cheek. Maybe Gon is just tired from the long evening. So much has happened, it’s late, and the music is even lulling Killua into a more relaxed state. Either way, Killua doesn’t exactly want to pull away.

Things may be better now, but talking with Gon has only made it obvious how upset he is over how things turned out during the party. Killua feels guilt creeping back over his mind as he sways slowly with his friend.

“I’m really sorry, Gon,” he murmurs softly, and somehow it comes out easier this time even though they’re so close. Maybe because he’s not looking right at Gon. “It’s… It’s my fault tonight sucked so bad. _I’m_ the one who ruined the party.”

He feels Gon stiffen a little against him, then the hand holding his own squeezes tighter. “Don’t say that,” Gon replies, and it comes out muffled from how his face is half tucked against Killua’s shoulder. “I… I didn’t mean for what I did to upset you.”

“I know you didn’t.” Killua returns Gon’s squeeze with one of his own. “I- I shouldn’t have been upset, Gon. I overreacted. That’s… That’s my fault, not yours.”

Killua feels Gon begin to pull back and, somewhat reluctant, he lets him. He only moves far back enough to peer up at Killua, though, otherwise still holding him close. Their feet hardly move anymore.

“I still don’t understand why you were mad, Killua.” When Killua cuts his gaze away, Gon only presses on. “I- I just wanna know so I don’t make you upset again, Killua. That’s all.”

Killua bites his lip. “Don’t… Don’t worry about that, Gon. I told you, I shouldn’t have been upset in the first place.” When he looks back, he can tell Gon isn’t satisfied with that answer. His brows are knit and his pout-like frown would be incredibly cute if Killua weren’t otherwise occupied with nerves.

“But Killua! How can I understand if you won’t explain? You say you shouldn’t have been upset, but… But what if I make you upset again anyway? I can’t understand when you won’t tell me.”

“Gon, I...” Killua turns his face away, feeling heat coming into his cheeks. He doesn’t know what to say to Gon. Has Gon really not figured it out? Was it not obvious after what he’d said that he’d been stupidly jealous of the attention everyone was getting from Gon?

Gon’s hands at his shoulder and holding his own grip him just marginally tighter. “Please don’t be mad,” Gon pleads, and Killua feels his heart stutter as he realizes Gon’s holding him tighter for fear he might run off. “I just… I got so confused earlier, Killua. You kept saying one thing, then the other.”

“I’m not mad,” he tells Gon, looking back down at him again. To help him relax, he runs his thumb over the back of Gon’s hand gently – telling him without words he’s not going to let go and run off. It seems to comfort Gon, because he relaxes a little.

Now that Gon isn’t leaning against him, there’s a little more space between them. “I…” Gon drops his head, looking down at their feet, which have stilled. “I really wasn’t going to make you, you know.” Killua sucks in a breath, his heart fluttering nervously.

“I… I know. I just didn’t want everyone to act weird if I refused.”

Gon looks up, determination setting his jaw. “I wouldn’t have cared if they acted weird. Or- Or I would have found a way to make them think it was me, Killua. But you spoke up so quickly, and pulled me under the mistletoe.” Gon’s eyes dip briefly, somewhere below Killua’s eyes, and Killua is hyper aware of the way Gon’s tongue pokes out just a little to wet his own lips. Rather than look up to meet his again, Gon’s brown eyes dart off to the side as he murmurs, “I wouldn’t have made you kiss me when you didn’t want to.”

Killua’s pulse is loud in his ears, his heart clogging his throat. He’s been such an idiot all night.

Getting upset when he has no claim over Gon, yelling at his sister over something that wasn’t her fault, arguing with Gon because he couldn’t put a lid on his emotions, avoiding his best friend the whole night and not even realizing it had made him sad.

How many things could he get wrong in one night?

“Gon, I...”

Gon’s gaze pulls back over slowly to him. Dark eyes under a dark line of lashes. Lower down, soft lips that Killua still wants to learn the taste of. Is he imagining the way Gon leans in just marginally closer? The look in his eyes? The way they flicker down and up again?

Has he been an idiot for much longer than he’s realized?

“I never said,” Killua speaks slowly, finding Gon’s mouth safer to watch than those eyes, those deep eyes he could fall down into. “I never said… I didn’t want to...”

“Killua?” Gon’s mouth looks sweeter than ever forming around his name.

He can’t do this anymore. Fuck it.

He lets go of Gon’s hand to catch his chin, pulling him in as Killua leans down to finally, finally take what he’s been wanting all night, been wanting for years.

There’s a moment – just a moment – where Killua is caught, suspended between the joy of finally feeling Gon’s mouth on his own and the uncertainty of how Gon will react.

Then Gon shifts, releases the sweetest sound Killua has ever heard, and leans into the kiss with abandon. Killua feels Gon’s hand tighten at his shoulder, his other coming up between Killua’s shoulder blades, fingers curling to find purchase in his shirt.

All doubt vanishes from Killua’s mind. He moans, opening his mouth to lick into Gon’s soft lips which part willingly for him. Though they’ve long stopped dancing, the room seems to spin around them. To keep him steady, Killua’s hand presses to the small of Gon’s back while the other slides around to cup the back of Gon’s neck. They part briefly to each pull in a breath, Killua’s eyes cracking open to see Gon’s beautiful face – brows pulled together in pleasure, eyes half lidded and dark with want. He hears Gon whisper his name again before he leans in to reclaim his mouth.

Eventually, Killua remembers where they are. He breaks the kiss, but not their embrace, leaning his forehead against Gon’s as he catches his breath. Gon’s chest is heaving against his own, and those brown eyes look up at him – still with a hunger that Killua finds entirely new, but also with an unspoken question. “I’m… I’m better with action than with words,” Killua offers, watching Gon’s eyes flutter open.

“I’ll say,” Gon breathes, and a slow smile creeps over his lips. Brown eyes search his face, as though trying to make certain this is for real. “There’s… There’s not any mistletoe above us, is there?”

“No, dummy,” Killua laughs, hands pressing tighter to Gon. “I don’t- I don’t need any mistletoe to kiss you.”

“Good,” Gon sighs, and Killua can feel his breath tickle against his lips. “Wish I’d known that sooner...”

Killua leans in, an invitation. “Well, you know now...”

That’s all the prompting Gon needs. The hand at his shoulder worms up to cup the back of Killua’s head, pulling him firmly down into another kiss. Killua opens his mouth to taste the hum Gon lets off, licking past his lips, feeling Gon’s tongue rise to meet his own. He pulls back, panting. “You… You wanna get out of here?” He asks, eager to not have so many eyes on them.

“Yeah,” Gon agrees, but doesn’t quite let him go. His brow rumples. “Uh, are you…” He begins, voice lilting in an inquisitive tone. “Are you hungry, maybe?”

“Oh, fuck yeah,” Killua breathes, his stomach making him aware all at once how little he’s eaten tonight. “Do you think anywhere is still open?”

Gon laughs, nodding. “I think I might know a place.”

Killua nods. “Yeah, yeah… Let me just text my sisters, okay?”

Gon nods, grinning, and pulls back, allowing Killua to fish his phone out of his pocket.

Killua thumbs his message over the screen.

_‘Going out with Gon for food. Don’t wait up. Will be back later.’_

He doesn’t have to wait long before he gets a message back, one from each of them:

_‘Fucking FINALLY,’_ followed shortly by, _‘Kay! Love you!’_

**\- - - - - -**

They find themselves on a rooftop on the west side of the city park, facing east just as the sky beyond the cityscape begins to lighten. Mostly empty boxes of take out Chinese lie at either side of them. A big fuzzy blanket drapes around their shoulders, keeping them warm against the winter chill. They overpaid the clerk for it to make up for rushing into the little store just before it closed. It was short-sighted to leave the hotel without going back up to the room for coats, but Killua likes this better anyhow.

Gon insisted he’s saving his last crab rangoon for later, but Killua is thinking about asking him for it again. He just doesn’t want to pull his arms around from around Gon and under the blanket where it’s nice and toasty.

“How’d you know about this place anyway?” Killua asks, feeling Gon nuzzle into his shoulder. “Is this where you take all your dates or something?”

Gon clicks his tongue. “No.” His head tucks into the side of Killua’s neck, leaving Killua’s chin pressing into his messy, surprisingly soft hair. “I just found it wandering around. It’s good to watch the sunrise from. I like it cause it’s quiet.”

“So you’re telling me this _isn’t_ some sort of Gon Freecss Make Out Point?” Killua asks, rubbing his hand over Gon’s back.

Gon snorts. “I’m not sure you’re ready for The Gon Freecss Make Out Point,” he replies, mischief curling in his voice as he moves, lips brushing at Killua’s jaw and making his breath catch.

Killua’s hand curls tight into the back of Gon’s shirt as lips trail over his neck, and Killua is seriously thinking of pushing Gon down when Gon pulls back enough to speak.

“You really don’t have anything to be jealous of, you know.” Gon’s voice is soft, and then he’s pulling back enough to lookup at Killua, the first light of the gray morning reflecting in his eyes.

Killua flushes. “Well, you were pretty free with your kisses earlier,” he replies, his tone light and joking. “There’s a lot of competition. Everyone wanted a piece of you.” He’s dodging, and he knows Gon can tell. Talking sincerely about this still makes his gut feel all squirmy.

Gon clicks his tongue, but that’s as far as he gets into scolding Killua for trying to joke away the topic. “Well, that’s too bad for them. I only want you, Killua.” Killua’s heart thumps, and he lifts his other hand to cup Gon’s jaw. Gon leans into the touch as he keeps talking. “More than I’ve wanted anyone else. I’ve wanted you for a very long time.” Brown eyes dip briefly, before lifting up again. “But… I only want this if you want me too.”

“Yeah,” Killua breathes without hesitation. “I do.” Licking his lips, he leans in close again. “I could… I could show you how much,” he offers, lips lifting in a smile.

Gon answers with a smile of his own and a lift of his eyebrow, challenging Killua wordlessly to make good on his offer. “Yeah?”

“Yeah… Wanna make this your new makeout point?”

Killua doesn’t give Gon a chance to answer before he takes his mouth. Carefully angling the two of them, he pushes Gon back against the concrete of the rooftop, the blanket half pinned under him, half still wrapping up around Killua. Gon laughs under him, warm hands curling around his side, at the back of his neck.

“We’ll miss the sunrise, Killua,” he breathes out when Killua gives him the chance to speak.

“Mmm… You can show me later. I’ve got something prettier in front of me now.”

Gon’s flush is incredibly satisfying, and so is the sound he makes when Killua leans down to mouth along his neck. Fingers of one hand curl into Gon’s hair, the other hand creeping off to the side, hopefully unnoticed.

The squeak of styrofoam gives him away.

“Hey!” Gon jolts under him. “You leave my rangoon alone!” Laughter colors his voice. “I told you, I’m saving it for later!”

He reaches out to snatch Killua’s hand away, tightly lacing their fingers together so he doesn’t have another opportunity to reach for the untouched rangoon.

“If you’re hungry, I’ve got a better treat for you,” he offers, and Killua groans as he’s pulled into another heated kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for sticking with me this far on this thing. Happy belated holidays and a new year!


End file.
